Three weeks ago, amateur Swiftologist Darren Franich casually brushed off the idea that Taylor’s latest single, “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together,” could possibly be aimed at Jake Gyllenhaal. “The song notably does not mention coffee,” wrote Franich, characteristically succinct . “No way it’s about Gyllenhaal.”
Not so fast, Darren! New evidence indicates that Swift’s single may target Donnie Darko after all — despite the tune’s lack of latte mentions. An unnamed and totally valid source tells US Weekly that the song is definitely about Jake: “It’s definitely about Jake,” he or she says. There you go: incontrovertible proof.
In retrospect, we should have seen this coming. The Huffington Post points out that the guy who stars in the just-released video for “Never Ever” wears “a navy blue down vest that’s very similar to a jacket Gyllenhaal wore on one of their dates.” Taylor also wears a bracelet in the video that “looks suspiciously like the $100,000 one that Gyllenhaal was rumored to have given her for her birthday.” Elementary, my dear Swifties. According to another irrefutable source (our eyes), the guy who stars opposite Swift in “Never Ever” is also a dead ringer for the Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time star.
But wait — what if this whole thing is a clever ruse designed to keep us from the true truth of “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together”? What if Swift’s song was really about Warren Beatty this whole time?! We may never know for sure — at least, until the songstress gives us some cryptic hints via capitalized letters in her liner notes.