It’s the unofficial first day of back-to-school.

And whether you’ve been out of school for years or just slept through your very first 8 a.m. (It gets better!), we can all use a little wisdom à la Jon Stewart. The comedian has partnered with mtvU to make a little convocation address (following up last year’s by President Obama), and his remarks have got something for everyone. Greek Life: “streaking across the quad during midterms is a small price to pay for peer acceptance”; the horrific job market: “By the time you graduate…we could have an economy that is merely stalled,” and, of course, first-time voting responsibility: “Mitt Romney’s running mate is Paul Ryan, not Ron Paul.”

Check out the rest of Stewart’s sage wisdom (and find out what exactly he does with his psychology degree) below:

Read more: