Hit List: Aug. 31, 2012
Heidi Klum helps to raise the profile of preschool math, Tom Morello comments on Paul Ryan being a Rage Against the Machine fan, and more
1. U.S. customs agents seize 20,000-plus pairs of fake Louboutin shoes arriving in L.A.
Thousands of miles away, Sarah Jessica Parker jolted awake in bed. “Are you okay?” Matthew Broderick groggily mumbled. “I dunno,” she said, heart racing. “I felt…something.”
2. Heidi Klum shoots Team Umizoomi promo for Nick Jr. to raise profile of preschool math
As you know, preschool math is a horrible problem that threatens thousands of models every year.
3. Tom Morello on Paul Ryan being a Rage Against the Machine fan: ”He is the embodiment of the machine that our music has been raging against”
“Burn!” laughed Florence before telling herself, “Just be grateful it wasn’t you.”
4. On Facebook, fired Queensrÿche singer Geoff Tate announces competing version of band: ”Queensrÿche Starring Geoff Tate the Original Voice”
Raising a tough question: Which version won’t you go see more?
5. U.K. music-shop owner who wins $230 mil lotto wants to use jackpot to reunite original Guns N’ Roses
Though he may have to settle for more economical fantasies, like hiring engineers to install a self-cooling ice rink in hell.
6. Former Baywatch star Donna D’Errico injured on hike while searching for Noah’s Ark in Turkey
Or maybe while searching for a Noah’s Bagels in Topanga. I didn’t read the story that closely.
7. TMZ reports that engineer threatens to sue Tommy Lee, claiming Lee stole his idea for an upside-down roller-coaster drum contraption
The man isn’t asking for any money — just that Lee never play a drum solo again while wearing only a banana hammock.
8. In New York, San Francisco, and Los Angeles, H&M displays statues of David Beckham in his underwear
There’s also one of Victoria that — oh, wait, sorry. It just blinked. I think that’s the real Victoria.