Rumor has it that new American Idol judge Mariah Carey became infuriated and hung up the phone when producers called to tell her they were in talks with Nicki Minaj to join the season 12 judging panel. Considering a TMZ report is practically fiction, I thought I’d embellish this juicy, totally plausible storyline in the saga of No One Knows WTF Is Going On With Idol (And Do They Care?). It’s one of the summer’s most lukewarm reads!

Thanks to the video for Mimi and Nicki’s classic 2010 collaboration “Up Out My Face,” here’s how I picture this all going down….



Ugh. Hello? What. Kinda busy here.

Uhhhhh. Wait……….WHO?


Hold up, hold up.

But I thought I was gonna be the only Ladyjudge with a Diva Coke Cup.

But you guyyyyyys, everything Nicki Minaj says and does is sooooo embarrassing.

No one’s even gonna notice my costumes!

My boobs!

And would this mean we’d be SHARING THE HELP?

Damn, this bitch is BURSTING MY BUBBLE.


Just take a million dollars back, will that work? I’ll still have $17 mil left from my contract!

Well f— this then. [Hangs up.] BIG mistake. Big. HUGE!

The end.

We’ll keep you posted when something REAL happens. Meanwhile, Mariah is currently Twitter-campaigning for her BFF Lenny Kravitz to be a judge. Now there’s a solid idea, right? The rumor mill has gotten so convoluted — Brad Paisley? Keith Urban? Enrique Iglesias? KANYE WEST? — that I sort of wish they’d just plop Mimi between Randy Jackson and Adam Lambert and call it a day. My guess is R. Yo wants to bail, and they’re scrambling.

Is this Idol pre-pre-season a huge mess or what? Do you see ANY reason Nicki would make a good judge?

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