By Hillary Busis
August 17, 2012 at 08:00 PM EDT
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Barack Obama is a wizard. But even sorcerers covet the sort of powers that come only from radioactive spider bites, exposure to gamma rays, and accidentally drinking “super-plastic fluid.” So, which unusual ability does the president want to add to his repertoire? Let’s go to the audio tape:

“It’s kind of a weird superpower,” Obama told Albuquerque’s 93.3 KOB FM in an interview broadcast this morning (scroll to 3:45). “But if I had something that I could immediately wish for, I would love to be able to speak any language.”

Why does Obama think omnilingualism is a strange power? Because “it might not come in handy to rescue folks from a burning building,” he explained. “But I’ve always wished that whatever country I went to, wherever I met somebody who spoke a different language, that I could right away speak their language.”

If the commander-in-chief did somehow gain this miraculous power — which, we hear, can be done by drinking a few drops of dragon blood — he’d join an illustrious list of linguists that includes X-Man Cypher, Arturis from Star Trek: Voyager, and Glory, the Big Bad from Season 5 of Buffy. Aaaand there goes the geekiest sentence I have ever written.

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