By Darren Franich
Updated August 17, 2012 at 03:57 PM EDT
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Here is an exact stream-of-conscious portrait of what went through my head while watching the trailer for Sylvester Stallone’s upcoming movie, Bullet in the Head: “Uh oh, Stallone’s narrating. Can’t understand a single word he’s saying. It sounds like his mouth is filled with cotton balls, except cotton balls made out of cement. Oh look, a shirtless shot of Stallone, a 66-year-old man. Not interested. Hey, it’s Jon Seda from Treme! Hey, it’s Jason Momoa from Game of Thrones! Oh my god, Momoa totally just killed Stallone’s partner! So this movie is basically McBain? Whoa, it’s Sarah Shahi. Whoa, it’s the badass Asian dude from Fast Five. Wait, this movie was directed by Walter Hill? WHOA, it’s Adewale Akkinouye-Agbaje! Did I spell that correctly? [Googles] WHOA, it’s Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje! Wait, Christian Slater? Okay, okay, okay, Stallone: I’m intrigued.” Watch the trailer:

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