It was our time to shine — not from our scalps, but straight through our SOULS. “Could you go for a knockout blow if your opponents were sobbing?” asked Al. Sure could, Al! Let’s do this.
The U.S. only needed to average a 13.433 on floor in order to win gold. I loved Jordyn Weiber’s Cheshire Cat grin once she’d hit her first tumbling pass, HARD. Girl’s landing was like an instructional video on how to land, with the triumphant arms over the head, etc. “She may be going from the abyss to the mountaintop,” offered Al, clearly gearing up for a late-night existential crisis back in his hotel room.
THEN THIS HAPPENED.
No just kidding, that was during warmups. Aly Raisman landed on her head (so it’s not some newfangled fancy somersault that you could also not pull off) while trying a tumbling pass and decided to remove that trick from her routine. Hell, she only needed a 10.234 to win team gold. She could have done the Dougie while re-sculpting her hair into another aggressively messy bun. A missed opportunity.
We never did see Aly’s score on the teevee, and for a few minutes it seemed like the Spice Girls wouldn’t get to see it either. (It was 15.300.) Aly looks like she’s about to 1-800-CUT-A-BITCH here. Another missed opportunity?
But it was worth the wait!
You may now eat the prize.
You like that? I bet you like that.
Michael Phelps became the Most Decorated Olympian of All Time, so obviously he’s our Olympic Stud of the Day. After getting out-touched (his own move!) by South African total cutie Chad le Clos in the 200M Fly and winning gold in the 4×200 Free Relay along with Ryan Lochte, Conor Dwyer, and Ricky Berens, Phelps has now won 19 Olympic medals. It’s a prime number!
Bob Costas did a special satellite interview with Phelps about his new title. Not to be outdone at the Olympics, the leader of the free world — or maybe his dog — took to Twitter to congratulate the merman.
I think that was it for the men. Oh no wait — they showed a few semifinals and this guy Cesar Cielo kept beating his own chest and then looking guilty about it.
So good for him.
Meanwhile, Allison Schmitt blew away the rest of the field (including teammate Missy Franklin) in the 200 Freestyle final — picking up her first Olympic gold and a new Olympic record!
Look at these two. Just seething with congeniality.
Our female swimmers are just so lovely, aren’t they? Like, as humans? They’re always making new best friends in the backstage bullpen, only to turn around and annihilate them in the water. There I go again with the possessive plural. Aren’t we awesome? I can’t wait for my next event in the aquatic center (back pullovers on the lane lines).
USA’s Caitlin Leverenz picked up a bronze in her first-ever Olympic event, the 200 IM. Yes! Australia’s Alicia Coutts placed second and Ye Shiwen, a Chinese 16-year-old caught up in a really freaking vague doping controversy, got the gold. Also in this race was a local favorite named “Hannah Miley.” British people are hilarious.
China reigned supreme in the Synchronized 10M Platform Final, followed by Mexico and Canada. The men’s synchro springboard is tomorrow. So basically I have until then to track down some of these special Olympic diving viewing glasses.
Check back tomorrow for more NBC Primetime Olympics coverage.
In the meantime, can anyone answer today’s puzzle?
Exactly WTF was going on with Conor Dwyer’s see-through suit?