By Annie Barrett
July 23, 2012 at 04:09 AM EDT

All of those crazy kids’ favorite vamps, wolves, “unique” hairstyles, a bunch of promos for Fox’s fall TV lineup, and scores of unwanted brightly hued surfboards came out to party at last night’s 2012 Teen Choice Awards.

The X Factor‘s Demi Lovato and Glee‘s Kevin McHale co-hosted. Flo Rida, Justin Bieber, and Carly Rae Jepsen performed, and — get this — No Doubt sang live. Hey, it is the ’90s!

The full list of TCA winners is on page 3 of this post; my own personal winners of Fox’s two-hour telecast are below. By all means, list your own in the comments.

Choice Approximation to a Horse’s Ass

Demi Lovato’s head 

Choice Two-Toned Biceps

Ian Somerhalder

Choice Humanitarian / Surfing Unenthusiast

Kristen Stewart

Choice New Bangs?

Fox

Zachary Knighton (I prefer them side-swept).

Choice Suddenly Resembles Robin Tunney

Chelsea Lauren/WireImage

Zooey Deschanel

Choice Aggressive Face-Time Jockey

Michael Buckner/Getty Images for NATAS

Lucy Hale

Choice Talk to the Hand

Everett Collection

Crystal the Monkey (Justin Kirk’s Animal Practice co-star)

Choice I’m Too Old For This S—

Everett Collection

Shane West

Choice I’m Too Good For This S—

Justin Bieber

Choice I Will Blue Crush This Surfboard With My Meaty Paw

Michael Tran/FilmMagic

Thor

NEXT PAGE: Nice try, Stefano Langone

Choice Sometimes Wacky Pink Hair Makes You Sad

Everett Collection

Whoever that is

Choice Dancing With the Stars Wannabes

will.i.am and Hayden Panettiere

Choice Distance-Keeper

Serial

Cat Deeley

Choice Battle of the Messy High Ponies

Adrian Young vs. Gwen Stefani

Choice Extra Tasty Bling

Melinda Sue Gordon

Flo Rida

Choice Representative of All the Different Metals

ABC

Magic Tike

Choice Otherworldly Creatures

Robert Voets/CBS

Zoe Saldana and Taylor Lautner

Choice Sorry But No One’s Buying It

“Stefano”

Choice Thing That Makes Me Die Inside

Oli Scarff/AFP/Getty Images

Sophia Grace

Choice Zero

Byron Cohen/FX

Tie: Anahi’s interesting never-nude shorts ensemble or DJ Pauly D

Choice Platform High-Top Sneaks

Liane Hentscher/Amazon Studios

Carly Rae Jepsen

Choice Fervent “Call Me Maybe” Singalong Participant

Manny Delgado

Choice Where’s The Bar, I Need a Cloud Mir

Jessica Miglio/Fox

Lindsay Bluth

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NEXT PAGE: The actual 2012 Teen Choice Awards winners list

THE 2012 TEEN CHOICE AWARD WINNERS 

Choice Comedian: Ellen DeGeneres

Choice Web Star: Sophia Grace & Rosie

Choice TV Show — Sci-Fi/Fantasy: The Vampire Diaries

Choice TV Actor — Sci-Fi/Fantasy: Ian Somerhalder

Choice TV Actress — Sci-Fi/Fantasy: Nina Dobrev

Choice TV Male Scene Stealer: Michael Trevino

Choice TV Female Scene Stealer: Candice Accola

Choice Movie Actor Drama: Zac Efron

Choice Movie Actor Romance: Zac Efron

Choice Movie Drama: The Lucky One

Choice Hotties: Miley Cyrus & Ian Somerhalder

Choice Music Group: Selena Gomez & The Scene

Choice TV Actor Action: Adam Rodriguez

Choice Movie Comedy: 21 Jump Street

Choice TV Show — Drama: Pretty Little Liars

Choice Movie Actress — Sci-Fi/Fantasy: Jennifer Lawrence

Choice Male Scene Stealer: Liam Hemsworth

Choice Villian: Alexander Ludwig

Choice Actress Comedy: Emma Stone, Crazy Stupid Love

Choice Actress Drama: Emma Stone, The Help

Choice Breakout In A Movie: Rihanna

Choice Hissy Fit: Charlize Theron, Snow White and the Huntsman

Choice Movie of the Summer — Comedy or Music: Katy Perry’s Part Of Me

Choice TV Breakout Star Female: Hannah Simone, New Girl

Choice Breakup Song: “Payphone” by Maroon 5

Choice Female Movie Star of the Summer: Kristen Stewart

Ultimate Choice Award: The Twilight Saga

Choice Movie Romance: The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn — Part 1

Choice Movie Actress Romance: Kristen Stewart

Choice TV Actor Comedy: Chris Colfer, Glee

Acuvue Inspire Award: Miranda Cosgrove

Choice TV Actress Comedy: Lea Michele, Glee

Choice Summer TV Star Male: Tyler Posey, Teen Wolf

Choice Female Artist: Taylor Swift

Choice Female Country Artist: Taylor Swift

Choice Single By A Female Artist: “Eyes Open” by Taylor Swift

Choice Country Song: “Sparks Fly” by Taylor Swift

Choice Movie Voice: Taylor Swift, The Lorax

Choice Male Artist: Justin Bieber

Choice Single By A Male Artist: “Boyfriend” by Justin Bieber

Choice Male Music Star of the Summer: Justin Bieber

Choice Male Fashion Icon: Justin Bieber

Choice Movie Actor — Sci-Fi/Fantasy: Josh Hutcherson

Choice Liplock: Josh Hutcherson & Jennifer Lawrence

Choice Movie Sci-Fi/Fantasy: The Hunger Games

Choice Book: The Hunger Games

Choice Summer Music Star Group: One Direction

Choice Music Breakout Group: One Direction

Choice Love Song: “What Makes You Beautiful” by One Direction

Choice Actress In An Action Movie: Zoe Saldana

Choice Actor In An Action Movie: Taylor Lautner

Choice Summer Movie Star Male: Chris Hemsworth

Choice TV Comedy: Glee

Choice Female Music Star of the Summer: Demi Lovato

Choice Twit: Demi Lovato

Choice Breakout Artist: Carly Rae Jepsen

Follow @EWAnnieBarrett

Read more:

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Kristen Stewart named highest-paid actress

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