By Annie Barrett
Updated June 13, 2012 at 04:12 AM EDT

10. “That tree being so close to the bed is probably a dealbreaker.” –Kendra, who has a no-trees, no-birds policy.

9. “I’m purchasing the house, but Kendra’s wish list is at the top of my priorities list.” –Reggie

8. Now you see why I wanted to show you this property.”

7. “Wow, this is spacious as well!”

6. “I like the cabinetry.”

5. “I don’t know.”

4. “I think you’re right.”

[Doorbell sound.]

3. “We’ve been living in the house for one month now.” (It was so clearly the same day!)

2. “I’m gonna marry her, real quick-like, sometime in the near future.” –Reggie

1. “I think that we’re both really excited about settling down.” –Kendra

Bonus: “Chad and Emily have seen so much that they’re a little bit overwhelmed right now.” –the agent on House Hunters International afterwards. That episode was super duper fake, huh? Those two wealthy people were going to build on the beach all along! I’m so sorry I wasted another half hour slurping up this BIG GULP OF LIES.

Do you feel as outrageously deceived as I do?

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