By Darren Franich
May 30, 2012 at 06:45 PM EDT
  • TV Show

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino already dominates three industries: goony reality television, branded content associated with the aforementioned goony reality television, and litigation related to the aforementioned branded content. Now, like Alexander searching for more worlds to conquer, The Situation is seeking a hostile takeover of the comic book industry. The first step in this mad plan: a new comic book starring Uncle Sitch.

Right now, you’re probably thinking: “This is just a shameless cash grab which will appeal to the absolute lowest common denominator.” Reader, shame on you. How could you be so cynical? Mr. Sorrentino is a great devotee of Watchmen, Y: The Last Man, the Sandman books before Gaiman got all preachy, and the Preacher books before Ennis got all sandy. His comic book series will be tasteful and refined. Why, just look at the first art released from the don’t-call-it-a-comic-book graphic novel:

Timothy White/Fox

The book is still untitled. Just for argument’s sake, let’s call it The Situation Origins: Gym, Tan, Legacy. Keep in mind that Hollywood made a movie out of Cowboys & Aliens, which was arguably even less of a comic book than this Situation thing. Which means that we can expect a hot bidding war to break out over the movie rights to The Situation Origins. Christopher Nolan will promise to bring the “Situation” franchise back to its dark, realistic roots. John Favreau will insist that what the material requires is a light touch and a terrible sequel. And Darren Aronofsky will get everyone excited when he promises a movie about The Situation fighting samurai, only to eventually depart the project to film his long-planned adaptation of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.

Follow Darren on Twitter: @EWDarrenFranich

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