By Darren Franich
Updated May 22, 2012 at 06:20 PM EDT
  • Movie

In Battleship, magical plot monsters invade Hawaii. They destroy buildings. They fire space missiles. They force rumored humanoid Brooklyn Decker to experience emotions for maybe the first time. But their whole purpose for being on earth is kept mysterious, probably because the filmmakers are saving the good stuff for Battleship 2: Revenge of the Aircraft Carrier. Fortunately for society, there’s a commercial that hints at the aliens’ deeper motivations: They have a taste for low-calorie soda.

Now, the Battleship/Coke Zero commercial makes about as much sense as Battleship the movie. And even though it’s in our nature to rail against product placement, it’s hard to complain about a soda commercial based on a movie based on a board game based on graph paper. But there’s no excuse for a similar ad for Coors Light pegged to Prometheus. “We thirst for knowledge,” the ad declares. “We thirst for answers. We thirst for power. But above all…we simply thirst.”

Let’s decode this. From what little we know, Prometheus is about the Greek-tragic folly of pursuing knowledge and power — a “be careful what you wish for” story. So the Coors Light campaign is saying: “You want Coors Light so badly, and we want to give it to you, and by the way, Coors Light will pop out of a xenomorphic chrysalis and invade your brain and ruin your liver.” Then again, maybe Coors Light is attempting to tie itself into the original Prometheus myth: The story of how man received fire, and by extension, power. Thus, Coors Light = Fire = the thing which inspires mankind to be great and terrible. Or, in the words of the Great Homer:

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  • Movie
  • PG-13
  • 131 minutes