'30 Rock' season 6 finale recap of 'What Will Happen to the Gang Next Year?'
Well, PopWatchers, “What Will Happen to the Gang Next Year?” was the finale to 30 Rock‘s penultimate season. Yup, season 7 will be the series’ last. And in terms of season finales, I have to say the season 6 ender was a little underwhelming. But at least they’ve now primed us for where things (might) be headed come fall. Will Liz and Criss have a baby? Will Jack become the supreme leader of KableTown? Will Kenneth…who cares what Kenneth does! But I’m getting ahead of myself here.
Liz and Criss continued their discussion about possibly having a
plant baby together. Criss was particularly worried that Liz would bail on him. “You know what kind of women in their 40s have never been married, Liz? Uggos, crazies, and bailers. You’re not an uggo. And you’re haha crazy, not oh boy crazy, which means you bail!” So Criss set out to make enough money to pay for their apartment renovations. And when his hot dog business didn’t deliver, he sold his van, Van Der Beek. That’s true love.
Meanwhile, Jack and Avery decided to renew their vows. The ceremony seemed to only mask their real problems: Avery still hadn’t forgiven Jack for kissing her mom. And Jack was mad that Avery had had an emotional affair — facilitated by a hand-tapping secret code — with her fellow North Korean prisoner, Scott. So their vow renewal, officiated by Liz, turned into a divorce ceremony. Those two finally quit something: each other.
Tracy and Jenna were mostly MIA for the duration of the episode — although we did learn that Tracy’s new role model is Tyler Perry. Unfortunately, their absence meant there was time for the return of my least favorite character, Hazel. Kenneth wasn’t re-accepted into the page program, but even in his sadness he offered to let the homeless Hazel stay with him. Then it was revealed that Hazel sabotaged his application. All of this resulted in something that I will never be able to un-see. Hazel admitted her love for Kenneth and then they kissed. My eyes! My eyes!
NEXT: The night’s best moments and lines!
++ “Hey, I don’t bail! I am still watching Smash, Criss.” —Lemon
++ “But if I’m doing this for you, guess what, buddy? I get your Yankees tickets on A-Rod bobble head day. And I’m going to throw that thing in front of a train. Go Phillies!” —Lemon
++ Three words: Skinny arm havers!
++ “For instance, in Pixar’s upcoming movie about trash, I’m doing the voice of a lazy bottle of grape-flavored soda named Funky Bobo.”
++ “You really don’t have a place to live? Where will you sit patiently in the dark while you wait for the next day to start…I mean sleep?” —Kenneth
++ This screaming match:
Jack: “Do you want to watch Downton Abbey tonight?”
Avery: “I’d love to. Maggie Smith is a treasure!”
++ Liz’s montage with her plant/child set to a Randy Newman-esque tune. “Planty no!! I don’t care about that.”
++ Tracy confusing the real (!) Cornel West for Questlove
++ Tracy’s list of black role models growing up: “Darth Vader. Ninjas. Some black licorice I tried to make into the shape of my dad.”
++ “To quote George W. Bush, Lemon, ‘bring em on.’ He said that to me in Galveston when a bus load of drunk debutantes tried to get on his boat. It was named Mr. Waterboat. Did it sink? Yes. Because there were too many people on it. But the spirit of his words lives on.” —Jack
++ “And to think I thought Hazel was a bitch. Friendly and loyal like a well-trained female dog. She isn’t a bitch. She’s a meanie pants!” —Kenneth
++ “A guy with two first names? Next!” —Tracy’s reasoning for not choosing Frederick Douglass as a role model
++ “You can’t go to prison you idiot. They will ravage you and your beautiful woman face. I’ll say I did it. I can handle prison. I have a mean face, and I can will myself to sleep in any environment.” —Lemon
++ “Also, I hear Pippa Middleton couldn’t come today because Avery was borrowing her ass.” —Lemon
++ “By the power vested in me by the website instaminister.estonia I now pronounce you divorced.” —Lemon
++ “We are thinking about having a baby. Together. That will emerge from my vagina. Or a Chinese vagina.” —Lemon
++ “Any child would be lucky to have you be the mother it loves, then hates for a few years, then loves again, then half-heartedly defends to its spouse, then puts in a home.” —Jack
++ “If you decide to have a child, you are going to make an excellent mother. As long as you follow Jack Donaghy’s 25 pillars of motherhood. Number one, don’t overthink the names. Stick to kings and queens of England. There will never be a president Ashton, or a Dr. Katniss, or a non-sexually confused Lorne.” —Jack
What did you think of the season 6 finale? Will Liz end up with Criss? And will you ever get rid of that terrible image of Kenneth and Hazel kissing? What was your favorite line/moment of the night? It’s time to discuss 30 Rock, and I don’t mean it. I nice it!
Tina Fey, Alec Baldwin, and Tracy Morgan star in the Emmy-winning comedy. You want to go to there.