By Lanford Beard
Updated May 17, 2012 at 05:11 PM EDT
Ali Goldstein/NBC
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One never does well to make plans in the 30 Rock universe. Let us consider last year’s season finale: All Liz Lemon (Tina Fey) wanted was to spend the summer wearing comfortable clothes, spending time outside, and learning Spanish. And technically she did all those things — when she was sentenced to don a jumpsuit and work on a community service trash crew with a bunch of Latino criminals.

On 30 Rock, the best laid plans are often the source of the most perverse pleasure. They reveal, to quote Jack Donaghy (Alec Baldwin) in that same episode, “[the show’s] version of normal.” And yet, as we head toward tonight’s season finale, all the major players were making plans like they had only a few hours to live. Oh wait… Below, we check in with Lemon, Jack, and the rest of the gang to see where they think life will take them in season 7.*

Lemon embraces horticultural metaphors

Lemon and her boyfriend Criss (James Marsden) are ready to have a “plant.” This is their euphemism for baby-making. Might I suggest that if Lemon is not even ready to say the word “baby,” she’s probably not ready to have one. What’s more, 30 Rock was always intended to play out as a twisted Mary Tyler Moore show. The single-girl-in-the-city trope doesn’t work if Lemon is saddled with a hot dog-selling life partner and a rugrat. As Tina Fey’s hilarious daughter Alice has proven, the real-life Liz Lemon is an excellent mother. On-screen Lemon? Let’s just say I have my doubts. Plus, who will eat all the Cheesy Blasters if Lemon is trying to lose baby weight?

Jack and Avery walk down aisle… again

As our own Breia Brissey noted last week, Jack has truly met his match in Avery Jessup (Elizabeth Banks). The calculating news anchor bamboozled master strategist Jack into admitting every indiscretion he committed — including kissing Avery’s mother (Mary Steenburgen) — while Avery was forced into a sham marriage with Kim Jong-un (Margaret Cho). Now that Avery is back to her old tricks, the dueling spouses are celebrating their own hubris with a vow renewal ceremony. That said, if I know anything about WASPs’ ability to hold onto a grudge, I can’t imagine Jack’s infidelity won’t have some ripples in season 7.

Jenna and Tracy are the sure bets

Despite story lines that have taken them from sex islands to the Broadway stage, Jenna (Jane Krakowski) and Tracy (Tracy Morgan) are the most reliable characters on the show. They will always be insane. Jenna’s wedding will have a wildly inappropriate, delightfully tacky sponsor and an attendant line of drag queens. Then, 71 days or less later, she’ll probably try to beat Kim Kardashian’s record for press. All the while, Tracy will be there spouting inappropriate non sequiturs.

Everyone else: Men or muppets?

Kenneth (Jack McBrayer), whose foray into real-character status this season did not work, will continue to trail behind cleaning up the mess and saying folksy things. A little bit of Stone Mountain goes a long way. And I’m going to go out on a limb here: Frank (Jonah Friedlander) will wear a lot of slogan hats, Pete (Scott Adsit) will be frazzled, Lutz (John Lutz) will be a schlumpy sadsack, and Toofer (Keith Powell) will be smarter than everyone. And then Lemon will wake up, and it will all have been a dream. (Okay, maybe not that part.)

What do you think, PopWatchers? Is Lemon ready for a “plant”? Will Jack and Avery’s vow renewal strengthen their relationship or send them the way of “J. Lo and Marc Anthony, Donn and Vicki from O.C.“? And who will look prettier in a wedding dress? Jenna or Paul?

*Of course, this will have absolutely no bearing on where life actually does take them.

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30 Rock

Tina Fey, Alec Baldwin, and Tracy Morgan star in the Emmy-winning comedy. You want to go to there.

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