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May 16, 2012 at 04:15 AM EDT

Well I can’t be too mad at ABC for its many Cougar Town preemptions because last night we got a double dose of our favorite cul-de-sac crew. (Also, cheers to TBS!)  So in lieu of a normal recap, we’ll just recount the night’s most memorable moments and lines. And with a full hour of Jules & Co., there was plenty of funny.

In the first episode, “Square One,” Jules and Grayson were forced to move in together after last week’s hurricane damaged Grayson’s house. Meanwhile, Ellie and Laurie fought over who was the sexiest. They enlisted Travis — much to his dismay — to help settle their great debate. And Bobby and Jules had a white shirt challenge: First person to stain their shirt lost. (Spoiler alert!) Jules lost after Grayson tripped and spilled his glass of wine on her. What a waste of a good drink!

++ “It’s like The Real World, if they did it with old and boring people.” —Ellie, on Jules and Grayson moving in together

++ The title card: “Welcome to Cougarton Abbey

++ “I was up all night on my computer with army boyfriend, Wade, bumping cyber uglies.” —Laurie

++ “Ellie is just jealous because when it comes to bringing the sexy, I am like a heart attack in a thong. Seriously. One time I killed a guy and brought him back without even stopping.” —Laurie

++ “I’m like the Dexter of sex. I love you, and then I will kill you.” —Ellie

++ Ellie: “Vincent. I helped him blow through his trust fund in the ’90s.”

Laurie: “You must have done a good job. Because in 2007 he was Vinny and he worked at a car wash in Tampa.”

++ Jules: “You know, it’s tricky to walk around holding a bunch of cakes. I think that cake walks should mean something really hard.”

Grayson: “I hate it when you do that, okay? You can’t change the meaning of phrases.”

Jules: “Agree on the change?”

Ellie: “Change approved.”

++ “It’s a new rule for everyone. Except for Ellie. I mean I’ve seen her drop her son, but I have never seen her drop wine.” —Jules

++ “There are so many things that I’m better at than you. Like reading, speaking, not eating a doughnut like a bear eats a salmon. What else? I wrote it down. Sex!” —Ellie

++ Courteney’s daughter Coco eating ice cream in the plaza

++ “I just got negative goosebumps.” —Grayson

++ Bobby: “You took a meatball for me.”

Andy: “I’d take a whole pot roast for you, sir.”

++ “Ladies and gentlemen, weighing in at a weight that a woman her height would feel good about, the undisputed trampion of the world, Laurie Keller!” —Travis

++ “Oh by the Winona.” —Bobby (this one’s just slightly second to Laurie’s “Oh by the Wayans brothers”)

NEXT: The best moments and lines from “It’ll All Work Out”

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