Last night’s 30 Rock, “The Return of Avery Jessup,” unsurprisingly featured the return of Avery Jessup. Avery finally reunited with her family, and despite her prolonged absence, she and Jack decided to quickly go back to life as they once knew it. As expected, the power couple totally crushed their return to normalcy. But not before they both participated in a power struggle/head game that only Avery and Jack could concoct and not hate each other at the end.
Jack feared Avery had cheated with fellow American hostage, Scott Scottsman. Jack tried to guilt Avery into confessing by admitting his own transgressions. (Yes, he wore her nightgowns when she was gone. He did have an erotic dream about an adult Dora the Explorer. And, oh right, he made out with her mother.) But Jack has certainly met his match with Avery. She barely even spoke to Scott, and in a matter of hours got Jack to confess to all his bad behavior. Smart lady, that Avery. And she even forgave him! I think those two are going to make it.
Meanwhile Liz was having her own relationship drama with Criss. Lemon clearly wears the pants in that relationship, even if she can’t pull them off with those hips of hers. And since she makes more money than Mr. Chros, they had a bit of a gender role power struggle. But it wasn’t anything a street fight with faux-Sesame Street characters couldn’t fix. Take that, Elmark!
And finally, Jenna was busy having her own crisis about her southern roots. The Southern Tourism Bureau was paying for her and Paul to get married on an old plantation, “which is great because [their] wedding was going to be slavery themed anyway.” But Jenna’s new, classy demeanor kept her from being southern enough. A little coaching from Tracy and Kenneth remedied that problem, and the panhandle hick inside of her came out in full form. “I’m that knockoff designer shoe,” Jenna declared. “My outside is shiny and pretty. My inside is filled with cardboard and horse glue.” Identity crisis solved!
NEXT: The night’s best moments and lines…
++ Jack: “I’m sorry I bit your tongue. It’s been a while.”
Avery: “I’m sorry I taste like Korean cigarettes. Tobacco’s the only thing with protein over there. Their meat is just deflated kickballs.”
++ “At my age we might have to get an Asian plant or accept an older plant with some behavioral issues and we’re a little afraid of it.” —Liz, on having a potential plant (a.k.a. child) with Criss
++ “Well, I could dip into my 401K is something I’ve heard old people say in commercials.” —Lemon
++ Kenneth’s true Southern accent. It’s so completely ridiculous.
++ “Understandably, she’s a little weary of me. I heard her ask her bear who the dye job is.” —Avery
++ “There’s an iPod 3 and a Mitt Romney 4. They worked all the bugs out. He’s not killing hobos at night anymore.” —Jack
++ Liz: “I need some relationship advice.”
Jenna: “Well you’ve come to the right place. I’ve been writing a sex column for Cosmo. Cosmo is my 14-year-old neighbor. He doesn’t know anything.”
++ “Feminism promised us two things. Fatter dolls and an end to traditional gender roles.” —Lemon
++ “An hour for the year? Am I supposed to just scratch the surface of Channing Tatum’s meteoric rise?” —Lemon
++ “You French Canadian kissed her mother which is my name for French kissing when it bums everybody else out.” —Lemon
++ “Kim Jong-il could not be reached for comment because he was having a totally normal day being alive and not dead.” —Avery, during one of her Korean broadcasts
++ Tracy: “Siri, bring Jessica Tandy back to life.”
Siri: “Tracy, Jessica Tandy Zombie is coming to find you. Is that correct?
++ Liz: “That is not what I suggested. You just hear what you want to hear.”
Jack: “Oh thank you. They’re from Italy.”
++ “As a Sesame Street purist, I don’t think Elmo usually tells passing women that they have a sweet dumper.” —Liz
++ Mayor Bloomburg as Mayor Boomburg
++ “I reject Chris Brown’s comeback. Lemon out.” —Liz, with one of my favorite lines of all time
++ The shoes at off-brandheelz.com: Christy Labuttons, Johnny Choon, Dolce-Banana, Merolo Blornig, Prader, Gukki, DKNI, Alexandorp McKing, Diana von Fistenbug, and Jessica Simpson
What did you think of “The Return of Avery Jessup”? Were you as disappointed as I was that we didn’t get to see more of Liz’s pop culture presentation? (I want to hear that hourlong rap more than words can even describe.) Sound off in the comments with your favorite part, and I’ll make sure to invite you to my next ThanksChristmasValenEasterWeenOfJuly party!