The road to marriage hasn’t been an easy one for Jules and Grayson. Their most recent speed bump came in the form of money issues. Grayson assumed they’d combine their finances, but Jules wasn’t too thrilled about possibly supporting Grayson’s little “whoopsies.” So where does Jules go to deal with all her relationship issues? Her therapist, Lynn, of course!
But Grayson and Jules couldn’t seem to compromise, even with Lynn’s help. Andy looked at their finances and gave them a few possible suggestions: Jules could find a new, cheaper location for her realty office or she could fire Laurie. Perhaps the most helpful solution was to get rid of one of their houses, but that only created more problems. They couldn’t decide whose home to keep. But I have to say Jules gave a very convincing argument: “And while Grayson’s house doesn’t seem to get any natural light, he did go through a nasty divorce here which led to a yearlong skank parade. Now, I’m not trying to sway you either way, but when you get up from that ottoman, I’d go get a pregnancy test.” In the end, Grayson and Jules decided on a quick fix instead of long-term solution. Why sell the house now when they can let those hard decisions fester? Problem
Laurie’s Krazy Kakes business was booming. Things were going so well, in fact, that she didn’t have the manpower to fill all the orders: “I wish there was more than one of me. And not just for the sex stuff,” she lamented. So, naturally, she commandeered the patrons of the local coffee shop to help her. That worked for a while, but unsurprisingly wasn’t a solid business plan. But lucky Laurie! Thanks to Jules’ aforementioned money woes, she needed to lose an assistant. So Laurie quit/Jules fired her, and Krazy Kakes now shares office space with Jules Cobb Realty. Also, bonus points for the show reminding me that they have jobs other than drinking wine all day. (Which is a position I’m fully qualified for if anyone’s looking to hire.)
Meanwhile, Bobby got an important lesson about a self-generating water bottle. Spoiler alert! Self-generating water bottles do not exist. It was just a prank Andy and Ellie concocted to mess with Bobby. But they took it a little too far when an unsuspecting “he’s a beautiful person” Bobby got a little dehydrated while hiking. Don’t worry. He survived.
NEXT PAGE: The night’s best moments and lines!
++ The title card: “She’s marrying a man her own age, so why is it called: Cougar Town“
++ Ellie kept stealing Jules’ thunder, which certainly wasn’t the first time Courteney Cox has had her thunder stolen by a co-star!
++ “Bobby’s literally never read a book. And yesterday I got my hand stuck in the bottom of a honey-roasted peanut jar. The salt and the sugar at the bottom is like heroin!” —Jules (glad we got to see this sight gag later on)
++ “Any good relationship requires sharing everything. Even STDs. But also money.” —Therapist Lynn
++ Bobby’s hand in Andy’s back pocket. He was just grabbing some gum!
++ Laurie’s many life philosophies: “Don’t get hammered at brunch.” “You gotta shake it til you make it.” (Be mindful: That one only works for dance-offs or cocktails.) “Nothing ever works out unless you are in 100 percent.” “Never fight short-haired bitches.”
++ “That’s a pretty shade. Is that so people on the moon know you’re tacky?” —Ellie commenting on Laurie’s lipstick color
++ “The day I found out Andy and I were sharing money, I quit my job, got a big TV, and bought myself 10 pairs of sweatpants. Never looked back.” —Ellie
++ This exchange for a lot of obvious reasons
Ellie: “What’s your problem?”
Jules: “I have a urinary tract infection.”
Ellie: “No. The one we just talked about.”
Jules: “I can’t pay Laurie.”
Ellie: “So now why are you mad at Grayson?”
Jules: “Because he gave me the UTI.”
Jules: “Because he wants to combine finances!”
Ellie: “You got it!”
++ “But in the afternoon, when the sun hits my desk just right, all my neck issues disappear.” —Jules, about keeping her plaza office
++ “I’m not saying when, but you’re getting a dead arm.” —Laurie to Andy
++ Travis: “Is this for real?”
Laurie: “As real as the Easter bunny. Except real.”
++ “You know, I used to get magic and science mixed up, but now I realize they’re just one and the same!” —Bobby
++ “He’s lost in the Devil’s Hole with a water bottle full of lies!” —Andy
++ “Mommy looks weird without her makeup.” —Stan, not fooled by Ellie’s demon mask
What did you think of “Money Becomes King”? Oh, by the Wayans brothers, I think I just found my new favorite phrase. Now, don’t big word me, but sound off in the comments with your favorite lines and moments.