Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you’re wasting your time on Facebook. According to an earnings report that the beloved omniscient mega-corporation just filed in preparation for its Jupiter-sized IPO, Facebook had an average revenue per user of $1.21 for the first quarter of 2012.* That means you, Mr. or Mrs. Average Facebook User, have made just enough enough money to buy a couple packets of Splenda for the Facebook coffee machine — or it would mean that, if Facebook hadn’t long since replaced its coffee machine with a mute Vietnamese monk who serves the most perfect coffee in the world and has no eyelids.

As reported by the San Francisco Chronicle, there are some other interesting bits in documents Facebook filed yesterday with the SEC. The company reported 901 million active monthly users, about fifty million more than in the last quarter, which means that the company will probably hit one billion active users before the Mayan Apocalypse. As of Friday, an average of 500 million people use Facebook from their mobile devices every month, further proving that the only thing more fun than interacting with people is ignoring people while you play with your Facebook app. Advertising revenue and net income were both down, which Facebook ascribed to an increase in employees, an overall downturn in advertising revenue across the economy, and “expand[ing] its technical infrastructure,” which is corporate lingo for “building a giant toy train set.” In conclusion, they’re rich.

*If you think that “average quarterly revenue per user” sounds like a ridiculous metric that doesn’t actually reflect anything except for the fact that absolutely everything on the Internet can be turned into a metric — well, welcome to the Internet, and can I offer you some sentiment analysis with a side of influence algorithms and just a dash of Google Plus?

Follow Darren on Twitter: @EWDarrenFranich

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