Admit it: If you’re a Frasier fan worth your salt, the mystery surrounding the lyrics of its episode-closing song “Tossed Salad and Scrambled Eggs” has likely haunted, perplexed, and/or eroded you from the inside out for the better part of 20 years. Those tinkling ivories have been taunts, and star Kelsey Grammer’s jazzy improvisations merely a Sideshow Bob-esque cackle in your ears.

Well, Grammer-ians, the long, cold winter is over! Writer Ken Levine tracked down “Eggs” composer Bruce Miller and demanded answers. Click through to end your suffering once and for all (and see which famous crooner nearly sang the tune instead of Grammer).

Miller explained that his objective in writing the number was basically to be as vague as possible, including but not limited to avoiding lyrics about plot-related topics like psychiatry, radio shows, and the name “Frasier.” That was probably for the best — though I really would have liked to see him make a rhyme for “Daphne” (perhaps “Niles begging, ‘Have me!'”?).

As for that perplexing culinary duo, Norris himself admitted he “was a bit baffled” when lyricist Darryl Phinnesse sent him the idea. Phinnesse then “explained that these were things that were ‘mixed up’…like Frasier Crane’s patients.” With that decoder in place, it makes sense that “the blues a-callin'” are Frasier Crane’s patients on his radio show, and that he’s “got [them] pegged” by helping them with their problems. But, just like Sisyphus, it’s a never-ending slog for Doc Crane because “those Tossed Salads and Scrambled Eggs [are] calling again” every day.

Miller originally intended jazz great Mel Tormé to sing the ditty, but producers insisted on Grammer’s golden pipes — a decision Miller ultimately thought worked. We agree.

Did you just breathe a decades-in-coming sigh of relief, PopWatchers?

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