The addition of Megan Mullally to the cast of Fox’s Christian Slater comedy Breaking In (Tuesdays, 9:30 p.m. ET) is making the series more of an office-set show, so it seemed only fitting to invite her to visit our own New York offices. She chose to accept two missions while on EW turf: Tease upcoming story lines (look for her in a future Spoiler Room column), and “break in” to a handful of staffers’ offices and tell us the one thing she’d steal from each of them.
NEXT: First stop, the office of Dalton Ross…
Assistant Managing Editor Dalton Ross’ office
Dalton, who has strategically positioned a Breaking In mug on his desk, tries to sell Mullally on his Chevy Chase Show clock and his Sisqó doll, and piques her interest with his Showgirls V.I.P. Edition DVD set and VHS copy of the 1991 animated M.C. Hammer cartoon series Hammerman (both still in the plastic). “It’s an embarrassment of riches in here,” Mullally says. “Obviously, I’m gonna have to take the Swanson Pyramid of Greatness. This is my husband. I am his legal property. I am bound by law to gather up any artifacts pertaining to my lord and master.”
She strikes several different poses with the Pyramid, including the one above where she’s holding it close to her chest. “Right where he wants to be,” she says. In addition to being married to Nick Offerman, who plays Ron Swanson on NBC’s Parks and Recreation, she’s also guested on the show as Tammy No. 2, one of Ron’s ex-wives. “There’s a rumor that Nick heard that there might be another big Ron and Tammy coming up [next season],” Mullally tells Dalton. “I hope that’s twwue.” (“I hope it’s twwue, too,” he says.)
NEXT: Things turn NSFW quickly…
Senior Writer Tim Stack’s office
Tim first offers Mullally a parasol he talked his mother into buying on a sunny family vacation in Italy because he secretly wanted it. “Oh, that’s cute!” she says. But she appears more drawn to the Bruce Lee poster by artist Greg Auerbach that he’s still waiting to get framed. He steers her toward an autographed picture of the Jersey Shore cast (“I’ve met a couple of them,” she says), and then a Kirstie Alley Russian nesting doll set that A&E sent journalists to promote its 2010 reality show Kirstie Alley’s Big Life (“Let me see the Kirstie Alley thing for a second. I just got to investigate this,” she says). She deems Tim’s Al Franken bobblehead “too classy,” before grabbing a galley copy of Lisa Rinna’s 2009 book Rinnavation: Getting Your Best Life Ever after Tim tells her that Rinna devotes a chapter to sex and shows her the page detailing “The Amazing Basket Technique” (pictured). “What a wonderful day. Megan Mullally’s in my office, and we’re talking about handies,” Tim says.”‘You are creating an ‘impostor’ vagina,'” Mullally reads aloud. “The ‘impostor vagina’ definitely tops Bruce Lee,” she says.
NEXT: Another Ron Swanson sighting…
Associate Editor Breia Brissey’s cubicle
While walking by Breia’s cubicle to our next scheduled stop, Mullally saw more love for Offerman and asked to stop and take a photo so she could send it to him. As Breia explained to Mullally, the magazine staff closes issues on Mondays, so Breia knew she’d be working late last Halloween. She and senior associate editor Andrea Adams tried to get others to dress up, but when that failed, they decided to keep it simple: They photocopied pictures of Ron Swanson’s face, cut them out and taped them to paint sticks, and held them over their faces when people walked by. The Ron Swanson heart in the background was a Valentine’s Day card Breia found online. (“I should have told her, ‘I swear I’m not a stalker. I just really love Ron Swanson,'” Breia says later. Noted.)
NEXT: Mullally agrees to live blog a certain reality show. (We’re holding her to it!)
Executive Editor Kristen Baldwin’s office
We learned during a 2009 EW Pop Culture Personality Test that Mullally and Offerman are fans of The Bachelor franchise, so naturally, we had to have her case the office of Kristen Baldwin, who recaps The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, and Bachelor Pad for EW.com. What did Mullally think of how Ben Flajnik’s season ended? “Not since the O.J. trial has there been more controversy,” she deadpans. After she and Kristen dissect the After the Final Rose special, Kristen suggests Mullally live blog a Bachelor or Bachelorette premiere for us, which is greeted by an enthusiastic “Ohmygod! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!” from Mullally. “You and your husband together! Ohmygod that would be amazing!” Kristen says, so excitedly it sounds like one word. “YES! That would so great,” Mullally says. “Nick sort of started watching it begrudgingly, but then he was sucked into it. A lot of our friends… like Adam Scott is obsessed with The Bachelor. All of these people that we know who Nick really likes and thinks are really cool, funny people watch The Bachelor, so that helped him get over his shame.”
Obviously, despite Kristen offering up her Beverly Hills, 90210 dolls in their original packaging, Spice Girls dolls, or a Barbie doll used in an EW photo shoot renacting Lady Gaga’s 2010 highlights, Mullally was always going to choose the Bachelorette For Your Consideration Emmy ad that hangs on Kristen’s office door (pictured). “I couldn’t believe that they broke up,” Mullally says, looking adoringly at Roberto Martinez and Ali Fedotowsky. Kristen asks Mullally what she thinks of Roberto as a potential Bachelor. “Oh, totes magotes,” she says. “He’s kinda boring,” she concedes upon further consideration, “but he’s cute. He’s a gentleman, and that’s always good…. You know when it all turned was when Ben went into the ocean nude.”
NEXT: Another Ron Swanson sighting…
Editorial Assistant Nuzhat Naoreen’s cubicle
Another unscheduled stop. Mullally saw this large Swanson Pyramid of Greatness poster and asked if she could pose for another photo to forward to Offerman. The poster’s something Nuzhat, who was out of the office on this day, inherited from her predecessor. (“Wait, Megan Mullally took a picture at my desk?!” Nuzhat says when she returns. Two, actually.)
NEXT: One last ode to Offerman…
Staff Writer Mandi Bierly’s office
Even though Mullally is running late for her next appointment, she wants to cruise by my office since I’d been her partner in crime (and because I’d told her that I’d cleaned for her). I’m prepared to offer her something from my “Thanks for last night!” autograph collection or one of my life-size Vampire Diaries cardboard standees* that doubles as a coat rack, but there is no need. She makes a beeline to my bookshelf and grabs my copy of the picture book Hairy Hunks: A Celebration of Shaggy Stallions. “Obviously, because I’m married to Nick Offerman, who is very hirsute as they say, I would love a book of hairy hunks,” she says.
*If they made a Ron Swanson standee, imagine how great our photos would have been.