Okay, that’s not “true.” I just wanted to sneak in an April Fool’s Day headline while I still had the chance. Happy holidays to all.

But hear me out: This could happen. The Dancing With the Stars crowd’s reaction to sizzling filet of man William Levy — a Cuban-American telenovela actor and model — is like nothing I’ve ever seen before. Brookebot and T-Berj can barely introduce him and his professional partner Cheryl Burke over the SOUL-DEADENING SCREAMS transmitted from three floors of fans. It’s like these visitors to Planet Mirrorballus have never seen a hot person before, and certainly not one from Cuba.

So far William Levy has worn a sleeveless shirt (to insane applause, for week 1’s cha cha — pictured) and a full-coverage black tie affair (to blood-curdling screams seemingly out of a horror movie, for week 2’s quickstep). I ask you, DANCMSTRs and fellow logicians: What is going to happen when William Levy wears no shirt at all? Will people drop dead from proximity to sexiness and the sight of his bare flesh? Will they screech until their heads explode? Now more than ever, I am frightened for our future.

Have we really never seen a piping-hot beef empanada before? Come on!

Duh, this is America. Let’s all sip a mojito and just calm down.


In this week’s Inside TV Podcast (embedded below), Dalton Ross and I discuss the unbearable hotness of William Levy and his possible doomsday effect on the ballroom — plus:

~*~Does cast matter? We chat about the public’s “meh” reaction to DWTS‘ season 14 cast, and I argue that names and levels of celebrity never matter even one bit. It’s all about what you do on the dance floor (and how you conduct yourself in the celebriquarium!).

~*~I predict the season 14 final 3: William and Cheryl, Katherine Jenkins and Mark Ballas, Donald Driver and Peta Murgatroyd. Agree/disagree?

~*~Is Maksim Chmerkovskiy being punished for last season’s “This is my show” antics with a mediocre partner in Melissa Gilbert? And as the true boss of the show (shh, it’s a secret), can he will things to happen simply by pointing his ass in different directions?

~*~With results show ratings down from last season, what does this mean for the future of long-running reality shows like Dancing With the Stars and American Idol? Does DWTS need to make format changes to stay viable?

~*~When are we going to get a Quarantine Week/Sparkly Slumber Party theme, damnit?

Press play on the little triangle below to hear this week’s podcast. The Dancing With the Stars discussion begins at 17:40. (Please excuse my mistake in thinking Dalton might have said “Battlestar” when he actually said “Bachelor.” As if!)

If the audio player isn’t working for you, try downloading the entire podcast right here.

What about you? Do you wish the crowd would calm down just a little for William Levy, or are you loving the enthusiasm? Which screams are louder — the ones coming out of the TV or the ones coming out of your mouths? Carry on! That’s fine. We all need something to live for, especially if the world’s about to end.

See you tonight for the third liiiiiiiiiiiiiive performance show of season 14!

Read more:

Ask Annie anything about ‘Dancing With the Stars’ (or whatever) in the video player below. To see her answers to previous questions, click on the text links below the picture. This is *not* liiiiiiive! and she is not actually sitting there right now. She updates a few times per week.

Episode Recaps

Dancing With the Stars
  • TV Show
  • 30
  • ABC