30 Rock The Shower Principle
Credit: Ali Goldstein/NBC

I love 30 Rock. A lot. You know what I don’t love? The show’s new page, Hazel Wassername. I don’t have a problem with Kristen Schaal, but I just can’t seem to get on board with her character’s crazy obsession with Liz Lemon. Last night, Hazel took things to a whole new extreme. Hazel wants Liz to herself, so she attempted to scare Jenna with a few near-death experiences. Because that’s normal. It’s just not funny. And even Liz knows it. Liz told Hazel she was “just another weird page, and I already have one of those.” So this officially begins my campaign to reinstate Kenneth as page and do away with Hazel. Soapbox completed. Anyone else on board?

When I wasn’t distracted by Hazel Wassername, I did enjoy the Jack and Liz story line. Liz tried to use her journal from last year to preemptively solve all of the repetitive problems of this year. She wanted to prove the universe and her accountant wrong, and she was partially successful preventing a few major crises. Meanwhile, Jack was trying to come up with a new idea to impress Hank Hooper. See? Last year’s problems are the problems of today. He was relying on the “shower principle,” a term used to describe moments of inspiration that occur when the brain is distracted from the problem at hand. But in an unexpected twist, Jack realized that putting golf balls wouldn’t solve his problem. He needed Liz, his own personal shower principle, to distract and inspire him. And just like that, the perfect idea came to him: Kabletown is going into the couch-making business!

NEXT: The night’s best moments and lines…

++ Liz in 2012: “I’ll have you know this has been a year of change, Howard. I joined an over-40 dance team. I started eating the lettuce on my plate under onion rings. And I have taken up meditation thanks to my boyfriend, Criss.”

++ Liz in 2011: “This has been a year of change, Howard. I’m actually eating the onion part of my onion rings. I’ve started journaling thanks to my exciting relationship with Carol, who is a man. Although, we have done nothing that lesbians could not do.”

++ Liz in 2010: “I bought a restaurant-grade onion ringer. And I’m having a go at cycling thanks to my boyfriend Wesley, whom I hate.”

++ “Have I never washed this sweater?” –Liz reflecting on how her life hasn’t changed much

++ “Can we start getting real soda? Because I think Corka Coola brand diet banana lime causes tum numeth [a.k.a. tongue numbness].” –Lemon

++ Did anyone else notice Frank was wearing a SPiN New York T-Shirt? SPiN is Susan Sarandon’s Ping-Pong club. And Susan Sarandon play’s Frank’s lover, Lynn Onkman, on the show.

++ Two words: Soup ponchos

++ “Are you still trying the old jumper cables on the tires of your brain muffler? I don’t know cars.” —Lemon

++ Tracy: “In order to pay my tax bill, I had to sign on to do a movie, Five Now Dog Five.”

Liz: “Gibberish.”

Kenneth: “No. That’s just the confusing title Disney gave the fifth Snow Dogs movie. The S’s are fives [5now Dog5].”

++ “You have achieved transcendence, a state of pure inner peace where all pants have built-in underwear.” –Meditation guru Jack

++ “Meditate perfectly.” –Jack attempting meditation

And then: “Meditation over.”

++ Liz’s list of problems during Jack’s meditation: boyfriend, DVR, feet, Smash Mondays at 10, female mustache, burning casserole

++ “I’m not fancy like that, Jack. If I get thirsty I’ll just drink the water from lunch I saved in my cheek.” —Hank Hooper

What did you think of “The Shower Principle”? Are hard “K” sounds really that funny? What do you think Liz Lemon’s mantra really is? I think I’m going to steal “Time to Make the Doughnuts” as my own. Time to tell me how you really feel about Hazel, and share your favorite line from the night.

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30 Rock
30 Rock

Tina Fey, Alec Baldwin, and Tracy Morgan star in the Emmy-winning comedy. You want to go to there.

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