By Marc Snetiker
March 29, 2012 at 05:15 PM EDT
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Let me address what you’re thinking: Yes, there is a recipe called “Khaleesi’s Heart,” and yes, it’s disgusting. But that’s probably what you’d expect from The Unofficial Game of Thrones Cookbook, which features over 150 (!) recipes inspired by the George R. R. Martin book series and the hit HBO drama.

If your ideal dining experience involves Renaissance Fair fare and your ultimate date night finds you and your partner gorging on chicken legs at Medieval Times, then you’ll probably find Alan Kistler’s tome of recipes to be a heaven-sent culinary miracle. But if you’re accustomed to more civilized cuisine, then lucky you: In the vein of “I read it so you don’t have to,” I planted myself in front of the cookbook and sifted through the vibrant gastronomical offerings of Westeros and beyond. (And maybe now I can finally open my own literature-themed medieval food truck, Game of Scones.)

Check out some of the titles and then head over to Amazon to grab your copy (unless you plan to wait for the official cookbook due out in May):

  • Hard-as-Cersei Boiled Eggs, Bread and Honey
  • Night’s Watch Breakfast Loaf
  • Tywin Lannister’s Garlic Sausage
  • Fiery Vengeance Stuffed Peppers of Dorne
  • Direwolf Beef and Bacon Pie
  • Winterfell Black Bread
  • Dothraki Duck
  • King Stannis’s Fish Stew
  • Khaleesi’s Heart
  • Baratheon Boar Ribs With Apple
  • Arya’s Apricot Crumb Tard
  • Targaryen Dragon Mead
  • The only thing that’s missing is Daenaerys’s Sun and Struedel and Joffrey’s Douche Bag Dijon Chicken. Shelf Lifers, are you eager to get your copy of the Game of Thrones cookbook? Or are you content with a diet that doesn’t consist of beef hearts and pigeon breasts?

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