By Breia Brissey
Updated March 27, 2012 at 02:01 PM EDT

The Drunk Diet

  • Book

For the latest installment of “I read it so you don’t have to,” I took on Lüc Carl’s memoir, The Drunk Diet. The book, which hit shelves earlier this month, is being billed as “one part fitness guide, one part New York memoir, and one part sheer badass-ery” and further proof that pretty much anyone can nab a book deal. Speaking of, who on earth is Lüc Carl? A quick Google search tells you that Carl is best-known for dating Lady Gaga. And, he’s more than likely the “cool Nebraska guy” who inspired her to write “You and I.” Outside of his high-profile relationship, Carl is a bar manager, party promoter, long-distance runner, musician, and you guessed it, a big consumer of alcohol.

I read the book hoping to glean a little more about his relationship with Gaga. Instead, what I found was a lot of cursing and a little too much information about him being constipated and how much he enjoys “taking dumps.” But I suppose that’s the risk you take when you read a book called The Drunk Diet. So without further ado, here are the highlights—notice the list is small—from Carl’s debut with a few choice lines:

++ Of course, there’s a medical disclaimer at the front of the book. Despite the misleading title, Carl is not recommending you get drunk and then go to the gym for cross-training: “The Drunk Diet is me being a smart-ass and giving the finger to every other ‘[fill in the blank] Diet’ book on the shelf.”

++ Carl started eating right, exercising, and quit smoking to drop 40 pounds. He did not quit drinking. “It’s when you don’t remember things like throwing up—on a regular basis—that you realize, maybe it’s time to reevaluate my life.”

++ “What I’m saying is, the type of body you’re destined to have was partially determined at birth—also, LL Cool J’s kid is one lucky bastard.”

++ “Anything labeled ‘diet’ is terrible for you.” This confused me. See: The title of his book. (I know what he means, but still it’s a little counterintuitive.)

++ “The Drunk Diet is a lifestyle. It’s about making changes, setting goals, achieving the goals, and then setting new ones.”

++ Save for one paragraph, Lady Gaga was hardly mentioned. And when she was, it wasn’t even by name. Occasionally he referred to his “wife” a.k.a. his former girlfriend: “I couldn’t even drink the pain away in my own home…because there she was, taking over the whole world right in front of my face. Even if I was just trying to buy a beer, I’d have to listen to her sing about how great life is on the radio at the goddamn grocery store. If I went to the gym, she’d be on the TV doing a talk show or receiving an award for Most-Amazing-Person Ever.”

++ In the acknowledgements he thanks two important, um , things: “To Budweiser and Jameson—without the two of you, I would never have gotten all of these incredibly ridiculous ideas.”

What do you think? Have you heard of Lüc Carl? Would you ever consider reading his memoir and/or partaking in the drunk diet to shed a few extra pounds? Sound off in the comments.

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The Drunk Diet

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