By Annie Barrett
March 19, 2012 at 11:55 PM EDT
  • TV Show

Update: Annie’s recap is live.

Unless you’ve spent the offseason under a rock searching for hidden gems, you know that Dancing With the Stars — America’s favorite twice-yearly fever dream! — starts up again tonight.

Who am I kidding? You’re already watching it. There is Planet Mirrorballus, back in action! Tom is being jaunty. Brooke is wearing something they’ll have to cut off later in outpatient surgery at the Hot Ass Hospital. Everyone else looks freaked out!

Click over here to join’s live blog of the season 14 premiere. During commercials, why not read through my “sizing up the couples” photo gallery or my somewhat hidden gem-my “parts of the ballroom I’ve missed” post? Or mute that TV and check out my DANCMSTR Megamix playlist on Spotify! So dorky! And as always…..

……Oh! Oh my.

Helloooooooo Tristan MacManus.

Tristan would like to remind you to stay tuned for my full recap overnight.

Hidden gems will kick in *next* week.

See you soon!

Follow @EWAnnieBarrett

Read more:

Premiere recap: We Found Love In Chmerkovskiy’s Ass

‘DWTS’: Parts of the ballroom I’ve missed the most!

‘Dancing With the Stars’ news on Inside TV

Your Hidden Gems of the Season 13 Finals!

Set visit: Inside Tristan MacManus’ trailer!

All of Annie’s ‘DWTS’ episode recaps

Ask Annie anything about ‘Dancing With the Stars’ (or whatever) in the video player below. To see her answers to previous questions, click on the text links below the picture. This is *not* liiiiiiive! and she is not actually sitting there right now. She updates a few times per week.

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