Derek Jeter
Credit: Nick Laham/Getty Images

Ever wonder what pinstripes smell like?

The New York Yankees are eyeing the utterly hopeless sports-fanatic market with two official new fragrances — for him and her — that attempt to bottle the Yankee essence. There’s no denying the Yankees are successful, and the organization takes great pride in conducting itself the “Yankee Way,” honoring traditions and playing with class (and spending an exorbitant amount of money on its players). The slogan for the new scent — “Past, Present, Forever” — attempts to tap into that mystique, but what that smells like, I have no clue. “We hope it reflects the smell of success, not to sound too cheesy,” Duncan Bird, creative director for the marketing firm behind the scent, told AdAge. Please, Duncan, you can’t sound too cheesy when you’re selling a baseball fragrance. I can only envision a commercial with Derek Jeter imitating Jack Palance in those unsettling old Skin Bracer ads.

I have no doubt, though, that the Yankees scent will be a hit, but I question whether other teams have enough cachet to launch their own version. I mean, do you really want to tell your girlfriend that that pungent aroma hanging on you is called White Sox? I mean, that’s almost worse than Sex Panther.

Can you imagine yourself wearing a baseball-themed cologne? What do you imagine the Yankee “smell of success” smells like? Chewing tobacco juice mixed with Alex Rodriguez’s tears? Pine tar, freshly cut grass, and the ground-up residue of Jeffrey Maier’s glove? This joker is all over it.

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