Avatar Special

I see you, Bob Iger. According to a Deadline report, Disney CEO Iger allegedly let slip at the company’s annual shareholders meeting today that preliminary design is “just beginning” for the previously announced Avatar theme park, which is planned for Disney’s Animal Kingdom in Orlando.

The park is set to explore both familiar and as-yet-unseen settings from creator James Cameron’s Avatar universe (including environments from the two sequels in development), and is the result of a licensing deal between Walt Disney Parks & Resorts and Fox Filmed Entertainment, allowing the Imagineers at Disney World to develop attractions based on the film as an extension of the Animal Kingdom area of the park. Iger reportedly said the park “in all likelihood” won’t open until 2015 (initial plans for the park call for construction to begin in 2013).

It’s not much to go on, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t potential gold in a tangible representation of James Cameron’s psyche. I’ve got some ideas already, which I fully authorize Disney to use, due to their can’t-be-tamed awesomeness:

  • Omatikayaks, a history-filled log flume ride requiring every passenger to wear a headset as the oral history of the Omaticaya clan is recounted in the native Na’vi tongue over the course of thirteen informational, splash-filled hours.
  • Whack-A-Mo’at, a boardwalk game in which miniature versions of C.C.H. Pounder must be whacked by a hammer in the shape of Hometree.
  • Trudy’s Wild Ride, a dark ride mini-coaster that reenacts the doomed pilot’s fatal last journey. (Warning: intense gore and violence. Also, one of the park’s best on-ride photo ops!)
  • Funobtanium!, a musical extravaganza that brings to life the epic drama in the most appropriate way: a vaudeville-style Broadway revue! (Classy, no blueface.)
  • Woodsprite Shooting Gallery, because airborne jellyfish just aren’t meant for this world.
  • Untitled Sexy Braid Connection Ride

PopWatchers, what other pun-filled Avatar attractions would you like to see?

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