Kim Zolciak
Credit: Dario Cantatore/Getty Images

With her own Real Housewives of Atlanta spin-off in the can, Kim Zolciak is returning to music. In a departure from her club-thumping first three tracks, Zolciak is going in a softer gentler direction with a new ballad called “Love Me First.” It’s a testament to how much marriage and a toddler have calmed down the lady who used to change clothes in gas station parking lots. But is it any good? Preview Zolciak’s single below.

Now, it’s been well-documented on this blog that, if loving Real Housewives music is wrong, I don’t want to be right. That said, I don’t turn to the Housewives to see a depiction of real life, and I certainly don’t turn to Zolciak for real music. This ’80s lite rock track is noble in sentiment, but fatally flawed in execution.

With producers like Jazze Pha and Patrick “GuiTarBoy” Hayes — who have worked with Ciara, Chris Brown, The Pussycat Dolls, and R. Kelly — Zolciak could have gone down the same road as “Don’t Be Tardy for the Party” and “Google Me.” Instead, she decided to unplug the vocals and reveal that… well… she really needs a heaping helping of Auto-Tune and the distraction of banging back-up beats.

If you’re out there, Kim, I know you’re tired from staying up nights with baby K.J. Perhaps you developed this song while trying to sing him to sleep? I certainly appreciate how the lyrics show how much you’ve changed and matured as a person. But I just want to dance! Please bring back lyrics about getting wine-wasted and hitting the town. It’s the you we loved first.

“Love Me First” debuts on iTunes in a few weeks, and Don’t Be Tardy for the Wedding is set to premiere this spring. You must check out the preview on Bravo’s site, if for no other reason than the the shot of Kim’s dog Chanel in a wig.

What do you think, PopWatchers? Am I wrong? Do you like Zolciak’s new, stripped-down sound, or do you miss the good old days when she was just a singing robot with a weave and a dream?

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