Penny Can! It took four episodes, but my favorite TV game returned last night to the special Courteney Cox-directed episode of Cougar Town. The main story featured a group of bicycle-riding hoodlums that were terrorizing the cul-de-sac crew, particularly Jules and Andy. The bicycle boys were going through their yards to get to the new mall behind the neighborhood. And they were trouble. They’re the kind of people who write “don’t” on stop signs, call anyone over 20 grandpa, and make garden gnomes gay. Wait, that last one was Jules. Anyway, they picked the wrong neighborhood to mess with.
But their plan for revengeance got sidetracked when Andy got offended that Jules wouldn’t let him be king of the neighborhood. He even started burrowing, guys! He’d completely resigned himself to being the world’s bitch, but Jules allowed him this one thing. And thus, cul-de-sac Braveheart was born. And let’s be honest, it was a much better plan than Officer Pumpkinhead. I cannot even put into words how hilarious this parody was. Andy on a fake horse = me dying. So funny.
Meanwhile, Laurie and Ellie were discussing the pros and cons of Internet nudity. It’s too risky, Ellie said. Laurie’s rebuttal? “The whole world saw Paris Hilton’s Berts and Ernie and now she’s rich!” Set. Match. To help prove her point, Laurie decided to send a skin pic to Wade, an Army guy in Afghanistan whom she met on Twitter. (Don’t worry. She kept it classy: “Covered up my berts. Single nerped him. Just a peek.”) This began a whirlwind Twitter romance in which Wade sent her a virtual promise ring, and she returned the favor by sending him her social security number. Ellie still doubted, but after reading their Twitter conversations she had a change of heart. Laurie and Wade are just so good together!
Travis also had a change of heart. He was focused on his photography class. Bobby was focused on Travis’ photography teacher, Angie (guest star/Scrubs actress Sarah Chalke). Travis did what he could to keep them apart, but finally caved and introduced the pair. So now they’re all Bobby and Angie sitting in a tree and Scrubs fans, like myself, are happy for another reunion.
NEXT: The night’s best moments and lines…
++ The title card: “Welcome to Cougar Town. Your name isn’t that great either.”
++ The newspaper jinks = triple coupons!
++ Short and Wide, Andy’s new nickname.
++ “I wine-watched a documentary last night, and it’s all a little fuzzy…” —Jules, who let’s be honest, probably wine-watches everything
++ “It’s Dork Vader. I got that one a lot.” —Travis, still sporting his helmet, on trying to take secret photos of people for his class
++ Grayson discussing his Montgomery Ward modeling days as a “front guy” and a “butt guy”
++ “Check out your downstairs! Someone’s an artist!” —Jules commenting on Laurie’s naked photobomb to Ellie
++ “I had a Huffy. Her name was Sparkly Thunder.” —Jules on her old bicycle
++ Wade has a real Twitter account: @tankguywade
Sample tweets include: “I know you’ve got options. But I want you and that nerp! I can only imagine the other nerp is amazing, too.” And “Yea. Never got a girl’s social security # before… sexy.”
++ “I hope if he’s black, he’s super black. Dark black is hot. Is that racist?” —Laurie
++ Laurie: “…my army boyfriend who is, fingers crossed, super dark black. Blacker than space.”
Ellie: “That feels pretty racist.”
++ Andy: “My heart feels like your sad face.”
Bobby: “Well, my face feels like your sad eyes.”
++ “What up? It’s hot as ballensteins in Flizorida. What what?!” —Ellie reading one of Laurie’s tweets to Wade
++ Jules: “Is Braveheart a movie?”
Grayson: “He’s a famous Indian chief.”
Jules: “I knew it!”
++ “Even though Jimmy dislocated his finger, we are not liable because he was trespassing.” —Andy
What did you think of “Full Moon Fever?” What was your favorite line? I’m sure I left some favorites out. Sound off in the comments before, and then seriously consider getting a wine fountain for your front yard. Who cares if it’s creepy?!