Leap Day magic is all around! Unfortunately, due to the Obama worldwide recession, there will be no Leap Day bonuses this year. Wait, what? Just kidding! There’s plenty of Leap Day love to spread around. But for all of you who didn’t grow up in a town that celebrated Leap Day, here’s a little history lesson: Celebrated every four years on Feb. 29th, Leap Day is a magical extra day for you to take chances. And if you’re lucky, Leap Day William visits. He’s from the Mariana Trench, and every four years he emerges to trade children’s tears for candy. Oh, and you have to wear yellow and blue or you’ll get poked in the eye, have your hair pulled, or worse.
This Leap Day, Liz ran into an old college classmate, Thad, and he invited her to a special Leap Day party. Lemon declined, but then Jenna — who’s still on her sexual walkabout — convinced her to go since Thad happens to be a billionaire. Once at the party, things got weird fast. Thad confessed his undying love for Lemon, and then offered her $20 million to take his virginity. ‘Cause that’s normal. But since anything you do on Leap Day doesn’t count, she decided to go through with it. Lemon won the slut-off with Jenna, but then her plan was foiled when some hot bitches showed up. Damn you, Karolina Kurkova!
Meanwhile, Jack was taking part in his own Leap Day traditions: Trying to make as much money as possible. But after a failed — and racist — business presentation he poisoned himself with some rhubarb. In his stupor, Jack was visited by
Kenneth the Spirit of Leap Day. In a fabulous Christmas Carol parody, the spirit pointed out that Jack had lost the true meaning of Leap Day. And after seeing that Liddy would start experimenting with liberalism if he continued to miss all her Leap Days, Jack quickly remembered the true reason for the season.
Tracy experienced his own Leap Day miracle after he discovered a $50,000 gift card to Benihana. The crew only successfully spent $6,000 eating more than they could possibly eat. So Tracy decided to feed the homeless with a Benihana feast. But how he got to that point is worth repeating: “Remember where I came from. But we all came from the sea. Sea. Like the letter C, which is part of the alphabet. Alphabet soup. Soup Kitchen. Kitchen…. The kitchen debate with Richard Nixon. Richard M. Nixon. The M train. Soul Train. Chicken Soup for the Soul. Chicken Soup. Soup Kitchen!!”
Up Next: The night’s best moments and lines…
++ When Liz first ran into Thad, he had his cat on a leash. And if you’ve spent time in New York, that’s not even the strangest thing you could possibly see! (Case in point: I once saw a man walking with his cat on his head.)
++ “You are one age, going on another age. What’s going to happen next?” —Liz singing the free, unlicensed version of this song as the young Nazi boy in the Sound of Music
++ “He’s such a nerd. And this is coming from someone who wrote lyrics to the song the cantina band plays in Star Wars…. But, at least I don’t throw Leap Day parties.” —Lemon explaining how she’s even less of a nerd than “Sad Thad The Skin Tag Lad”
++ “What?! How much Internet did he do?” —Lemon shocked after learning how wealthy Thad is
++ “Certainly not on a Michaels Craft crafting cruise.” —Liz, explaining her last Leap Day absence. Also, bonus points since crafting cruises are real
++ “But if he has a giant chandelier in his house, I am out. Those things fall.” —Lemon
++ First the fake Martin Luther King Day, and now Leap Dave Williams*, the classic about the uptight lawyer Dave Williams who turns into the real Leap Day William after an ice fishing trip gone awry. The film stars Jim Carrey(!) and Andie MacDowell(!). *Check local listings
++ We also got to see the poster for the sequel to Leap Dave Williams, Leap Baby
++ “Of course. Take off my bald cap. Not put on my wig.” —Kenneth
++ “You know the saying. Rhubarb red, eat away. Rhubarb green, don’t eat them.” —Kenneth
++ Lemon doing the same “dance” Rolfe did for Liesl in The Sound of Music to entice Thad with her sexuality
++ Mysterious man: “He still exists right here inside all of us.”
Tracy: “I am always coughing up blood. Could that be Leap Day William trying to get out?”