Credit: Michael Ansell/ABC
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During last week’s blisteringly funny Valentine’s Day-themed episode of Happy Endings it was determined that, in their own bizarro Friends world, Dave is Ross, Alex is Rachel, Penny is Phoebe, Jane is Monica, and Max is (Fat) Joey. (Which, by default, makes Brad Chandler. Makes sense, though Chandler was never this cool.)

But in last night’s episode, the almost aptly-titled “Everybody Loves Grant,” the gang had a whole new set of identities to live by: Dave is The Dave, Alex is The One with the Store, Penny is The Single One, Jane is The Type A One, Max is The Lazy One, and Brad is The Married One. In actuality, Dave’s title should have been The Dave Who Desperately Wishes He Was The Cool One.

Poor Ted Ross Dave spent the better part of the half hour trying to one-up Max’s perfect new beau Grant (the oh-so-adorable James Wolk) and convince his own friends that he is as cool as he believes he is by making “sexy sound effects,” wearing sunglasses and scarves indoors, and getting a motorcycle. (Hey, it least it wasn’t a sports car he couldn’t actually drive.) You know, typical cool guy behavior. (Zachary Knighton sometimes fades into the background as the straight man in this ensemble, but he was at his absolute best last night coolly playing uncool to a tee.)

Then again, Dave never had a chance against Grant. After all, Grant is worldly, has ideal brow thickness, rocks impeccable vest ensembles, lives by calming mantras, can fix garbage disposals, and looks gooo-ooood without his shirt on. The rest of the gang was just as crazy, if not more so than his actual boyfriend Max, for the handsome newcomer. Penny, along with her Boyfriend of the Week Sean, was desperate to double-date with them, as were sexually-charged power couple Jane and Brad. (Hey, no one can resist his… bread sticks.)

Actually, the only person who really couldn’t stand being around Grant was Max, who was too deeply immersed in new-relationship anxiety to enjoy his time with his near-perfect guy. Max overanalyzed every moment of every date, worried about his figure (“How could you let me out of the house being this fat?!”) and then convinced himself he had to dump Grant before he was dumped himself. Thankfully, Max discovered that Grant isn’t totally flawless (in fact, he’s a little bit needy) and decided to keep him around a little longer.

While Eliza Coupe and Damon Wayans Jr., as per usual, killed it (these two could seriously have their own show) I have to declare Adam Pally the MVP of “Everybody Loves Grant.” Not only were his line deliveries impeccable, but his performance as a person newly in love was spot-on. (Who doesn’t behave like a total cuckoo bird when they’re around someone they really like? I tend not to know what do with my hands around them.) Then again, Jane admitting that her impulse buy is batteries, and listening to Brad refer to himself and Grant as “twinsies” and wearing a vest to match him (maybe he is a Chandler, after all) might put them back in the MVP running. No one can resist those bread sticks.

Here are the best lines from “Everybody Loves Grant”:

–“At one point I called appetizers mappetizers and then I spent the whole rest of the date wondering heard that or if he cared. You know what? I’m going to text him just to make sure everything’s cool.” — Max, on his latest date with Grant

— “We’ll be the friendliest people he’s ever met!” — Alex, just missing the point of the ‘m’-related jokes

— “One time Penny bought home an astronaut and everyone was like, ‘Ugh, space isn’t even the final frontier anymore!” — Max

–“Like in Dave Matthews Band, Carter Beauford is the Dave” — Penny (PopWatchers, as an unapologetic huge DMB fan, I can’t tell you how much joy this one-liner brought me. Though I’d argue Butch Taylor was the Dave of the group.)

–“‘Living for today’ goes against all my instincts” — Jane

— “I used to think Michael Caine was perfect. Until I met Grant” — Brad, on his fraternal twinsie Grant

— “Yeah, well, I drive a food truck, which is basically a car full of ovens” — Unexpected Dave, trying to explain to Penny why he’s cooler than Grant

— “I’d know if I was being redemptive, we’re not in Europe” — Max, in defense of taking ‘prevemptive’ measures

— “You’re smarter than you are tall! Good day, tiny madam!” — Max to Alex

— “Aw come on, nobody saw that?! I am the cool guy!” — Don’t stop believin’, Dave!

What was your favorite moment or line from last night’s Happy Endings, PopWatchers? Did the Claire Forlani or Sean “P. Diddy” Combs reference do you in? Or was it the visual of watching Dave peel out on his motorcycle? Who’s the crazier Kerkovich sister: Alex or Jane? (I’m giving the slight edge to Jane, despite Alex’s admission she likes to play God.) Did you notice the Short Circuit 2 poster on the back of Max and Dave’s door for the first time, too, or…. Aidan?! Aidan! Where are you, Aidan?!

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