By Michelle Profis
Updated February 10, 2012 at 04:31 PM EST

When Daniel Radcliffe said he lost his virginity to Maggie Smith on Thursday’s Watch What Happens Live, I was convinced nothing he said thereafter could top that. “Yes, it was Maggie,” he confessed. “She was gentle.”

The (untrue) revelation was only the tip of the iceberg in the bizarrely awesome things we learned about The Woman in Black star, thanks to the wacky and wondrous mind of Andy Cohen. Whether it was that autograph hunters infuriate him, or he hasn’t read The Hunger Games (the horror!), we were given more than enough essential Radcliffe info to satiate even the most avid fan.

More highlights from the interview:

On his creepiest stalker moment:

“I did get a lot of photos of myself sent to me by a guy. All these photos ranged in age from, like 12 to 15… so not appropriate, and he had just circled my crotch on all of these photos with an arrow pointing to it, which just said, ‘Did you have a boner here? And what about in this picture?'” He added, “He didn’t get a signed photo like most people do.”

Who he’d stalk:

“It probably would be Katy Perry. And not even, like, ‘I’m a really big fan,’ but in an overtly sexual context.”

What actress’s bedroom he would sneak into if he could cast an invisibility spell:

“Scarlett Johansson, because otherwise I reckon I wouldn’t get in there.”

If he could only save one, Ron or Hermione:

Keep guessing — he pled the fifth.

Lana Del Rey’s SNL Performance:

“I don’t think it warranted nearly the response that it got, and it just seems like people were so eager to seize on her because she’s new and people kind of don’t know anything about her.”

Radcliffe was also able to demonstrate his supreme athletic abilities by rotating his arms 360 degrees, as well as showcasing gravity-defying tongue movements, in which he displayed contortions of mind-numbing proportions. As if this wasn’t enough, in the last 20 seconds of the show, Radcliffe managed to name the periodic table of elements with rapid-speed, causing my mouth to drop open and my eyes to bug out. I mean, seriously? Is there anything Radcliffe cannot do?

What do you think, PopWatchers? What was your favorite part of the jam-packed interview? Are you slaving away at this very moment trying to master “The Elements”?

Read more:

Daniel Radcliffe thinks ‘Harry Potter’ was snubbed by the Oscars because it was too commercial

‘The Woman in Black’: Did you have a hard time watching Daniel Radcliffe play a father?

Bravo to air Andy Cohen’s ‘Watch What Happens Live’ five nights a week