We’re all mourning Michael Fassbender’s Oscar snub (and the loss of whatever classy, clever joke Billy Crystal was going to make). But I find looking at Best Week Ever’s 50 Reasons The Oscars Don’t Matter Anymore — which includes 50 photos of “Faszy (Hungarian for ‘penisy’)” — therapeutic. I mean, in at least 40 of those pictures he’s fully clothed, which he’d most likely have been on Oscar night. In 47 of those photos, he’s not even reclining. He’d have to sit upright through the Oscars. Plus, no way a TV camera would make his eyes look as blue as they do in shots 50 and 48.

If I focus on photos 14 and 7 (some fairly lame fencing shoot) and photo 31 (I’ve never understood combining that amount of heavage with those tiny sleeves), I think I can get through this.

P.S. We’re all still hoping Fassbender presents at the Oscars, right? Or at least shows up in some kind of pre-taped video where Billy Crystal, looking for ideas on how to make the Oscars edgy, goes to him for advice on baring all (but they decide since it didn’t work for Michael, he won’t)?

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