I’m so glad 30 Rock is back. As a matter of fact, it might just be the highlight of my year, and I realize it’s only January. But it’s been way too long since I last had a nice dose of Liz Lemon & Co. (Although, I will admit that it feels weird to watch 30 Rock at 8 p.m. instead of the noticeably absent Community. It’s not cheating, guys. I love both!) Anyway, let’s get down to the important stuff and chat about “Dance Like Nobody’s Watching!”
Kenneth was convinced the world was ending tomorrow. (I guess if you’re not reading this because the world no longer exists, the joke’s on us!) He was excited to go to heaven and receive his reward: 72 virgin…margaritas sans salt. Lemon, who was in a surprisingly good mood, gave Kenneth some valuable advice for his supposed last day on the great blue marble she calls Earth. “Work like you don’t need the money. Love like you’ve never been hurt. Dance like nobody’s watching. Enjoy these Satchel Paige brand tampons.” So Kenneth decided to grab life by the horns and complete all his dream chores. And when the world didn’t end, Pete decided to take a very disappointed Kenneth to see the ocean for the first time. But keep your chin up, Kenneth. 2012 has only just begun. There’s plenty of time for the world to end!
Meanwhile, the network had found success with its new series America’s Kidz Got Singing. The show featured, well, kidz singing in an American Idol-style competition. On hand to judge this formulaic reality hit were D’Fawn (“Style” Expert), John McEnroe (Big Music Fan), and Jenna Maroney (Regional Recording Artist). Jenna had the opportunity to be the Simon Cowell of the show by dolling out all the mean comments like, “Liddy, go jump back up your mother!” Remembering his own Liddy (a.k.a. “little human tumbler of scotch”), Jack decided to put an end to Jenna’s heinous remarks. He was trying to be a good parent, but this only ruined the show. So after a very business-like chat with his nearly 1-year-old daughter, Jack realized what was really important in life. Money! (Which sounds an awful lot like, “I want Mommy.” But let’s just call it selective hearing.) Jack reinstated Jenna’s not-so-nice personality on the show and brought it back to its successful standards.
NEXT: Lemon’s good mood, and the night’s best quotes
As I mentioned, Lemon was in a surprisingly good mood. Like singing with animated birds Disney princess-style. She wasn’t falling victim to Tracy and Jenna’s usual antics, and she was being nice to people. So weird. Naturally, Tracy assumed that she was a crack whore on the side. She wouldn’t even accept Jack’s gesture of creating her a profile on Desperationship.com! (Someone sign me up…) But with Jack’s help, they determined the reason for her change in behavior. She wasn’t on the “bandito blanco,” but she had joined the dance team, Timeless Torches! She really was dancing like nobody’s watching and enjoying every minute of it.
Jack knows Lemon like the back of his hand. Or so he thought. The source of Lemon’s real happiness was her secret boyfriend! Now, we know who the lucky fellow is, but we’ve still yet to figure out how he came into Lemon’s life. Hopefully we figure that out next week.
I feel like I could just type an entire transcript of the show to highlight the night’s best quotables. But that would take way too long, not to mention it’s probably illegal. So without further ado, here are the best lines from “Dance Like Nobody’s Watching”:
++ “Both her mothers are serial killers. That’s America.” —Jack explaining why people love a contestant on America’s Kids Got Singing
++ “Death to U.S. Imperialist Wolves and Happy Hanukkah.” —The Christmas card Jack received from Avery and Kim Jong-un
++ “It was my year! What, Lupus just let’s you cut the line?” —Lemon on fighting with her aunt over who gets to hang the Christmas tree topper
++ Kenneth’s throwaway lines about heaven and hell: Black hell has a jukebox; Women’s hell is the same as aroused dog’s heaven
++ “I’m not being weighed down by redundant torso fabric.” —Lemon on her interesting wardrobe choice
++ “Reverend Gary says super gay horses are one of the signs of the apocalypse.” —Kenneth’s response to hearing there are four flaming horses on the Plaza
++ Tracy wanting to change his name to “The Gentleman Formerly Known As Rectum”
++ My personal favorite: “Next week Jay-Z was going to do a duet with one of the spinning chairs from The Voice, and the chair just pulled out!” —Jack on ruining America’s Kidz Got Singing
++ “Are you sure it was Liz Lemon and not present-day Sally Field?” —Jack
What was your favorite quote of the night? Are you glad 30 Rock is back? All you nice people wearing socks on your hands, no belt, and roller skates sound off in the comments below!