Beyonce Jay Z
Credit: Clive Brunskill/Getty Images

Just two days old, and Blue Ivy Carter is already at the center of wild-eyed internet speculation. (Lucifer’s daughter? Okay. Illuminati? Why not!)

Here, a helpful guide to the finer points of all things Baby Carter:

The first order of business is to get the name right; it’s Blue Ivy Carter — not Ivy Blue Carter, as E! initially reported. That’s half the battle right there.

Now, let’s continue one name at a time. Blue: Some are saying the name is a spin on R&B singer and rumored Jay-Z ex Blu Cantrell, which seems… unlikely.

Most point to the fact that blue is simply Jay’s favorite color, as well as an extension of his albums The Blueprint, The Blueprint 2: The Gift and the Curse, and, yep, The Blueprint 3.

This leads to the newborn’s next name, Ivy, which some are suggesting is a play on the Roman numerals IV — as in The Blueprint 4. A bit of a stretch, yes, but this angle is supported by the fact that four is a lucky number for Carter and Knowles, whose birthdays are December 4 and September 4, respectively. (It’s also, of course, the name of Beyonce’s most recent release). Branding! It’s not just for record labels and clothing lines and album titles anymore.

Then there’s the Illuminati angle: the letters I-V-Y, according to one sect of speculators, could stand for “Illuminati’s Very Youngest,” an acronym that would involve very little foresight.

Along those lines is this bit of convoluted brilliance: “Ivy (position in alphabet) – I=9 V=22 Y=25 – 2+2+2+5=11 – 11×9=99 – flip 99 round and add another 6 and you get 666 :O #Illuminati.”

Another similarly crazy theory has it that “Eulb Yvi (her name backwards) is Lucifer’s daughter’s name in Latin.” Great job, Twitter!

Thankfully, there’s at least one person out there who isn’t listening to all that noise: “Welcome to the world Blue!” family friend Gwyneth Paltrow tweeted Sunday. “We love you already.” Little blue, we say listen to Aunty Gwyneth and forget the haters — there will be plenty of time for that when you’re older and, you know, verbal.

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