By Lanford Beard
Updated December 23, 2011 at 09:00 PM EST
Credit: TBS

Christmas is about traditions, and TBS once again has scheduled 24 hours of A Christmas Story (starting at 8 p.m. on Dec. 24)* from Ralphie and Randy to Scut Farkus and those turkey-gobbling Bumpus mutts. Joining them on the holiday vigil, TLC offers up a four-hour block of Christmas lights spectaculars from 4-8 p.m., and a certain lady network wraps up their annual multiweek affair known as Falalala Lifetime. For everyone else who has had enough of the holiday spirit, there are plenty of alternatives. Read on for a schedule of Christmas Eve marathons.

Virgin Mary They Ain’t

What better way to celebrate the immaculate conception than with 11 hours of I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant (9 a.m.- 8 p.m.) on OWN? Elsewhere in TV for discerning ladies, VH1 is serving up the entire first season of Mob Wives (10 a.m.-4 p.m.) in advance of the show’s season 2 premiere on Jan. 1. Over on Bravo, you can relive all the table-flipping, Christening brawl-starting good times on Real Housewives of New Jersey (9:30 a.m.-1 a.m. Sunday) then thank your lucky stars that’s not your family.

For Average Josephs

AMC is delivering its present to dudes early, with an all-Westerns-all-the-time day of programming, starting with seven episodes of The Rifleman at 6 a.m., that 1990 classic Young Guns II, Lonesome Dove from noon to 8 p.m., and Colin Farrell’s American Outlaws kicking off the prime-time block. Meanwhile, A&E gets in on the action with a run of Dog the Bounty Hunter episodes from 1 p.m.-5:02 a.m. Sunday. BBC America is airing a mind-blowing 21 hours of Doctor Who (midnight-9 p.m.), and USA presents its NCIS “Three Wise Men Marathon” from 10 a.m.-2 a.m. Sunday.

Ghosts of Christmas Past

Jacob Marley is unlikely to make an appearance, but you can count on Jay Mohr, Corin Nemec, and Tess Harper to turn up during WEtv’s Ghost Whisperer block (10:30 a.m.-3:30 p.m.). The Biography Channel is getting similarly spooky with six hours of paranormal programming (noon-6 p.m.), including Psychic Investigators, Paranormal State, and Celebrity Ghost Stories. If ghosts don’t send shivers down your spine, there’s plenty of real-life horror to be found on Investigation Discovery’s The Devil You Know (4 p.m.-6 a.m. Sunday).

Holiday Cheer

Isn’t laughter the greatest gift of all? If you ask LOGO, airing a chunk of Strangers With Candy (noon-4 p.m.), then yes! Also tickling funny bones this holiday, a Tosh.0 marathon on Comedy Central (6:57-10 p.m.), five hours of World’s Dumbest on truTV (6-11 p.m.), and a smorgasbord of quips from Adam Richman on the Travel Channel’s Man vs. Food (9 a.m.-noon).

Let Heav’n and Nature Sing!

Your tree might be scheduled for removal first thing tomorrow morning, but you’ve still got today to enjoy the flora and fauna. Where to start besides Animal Planet, which is playing Planet Earth all day long (noon-11 p.m.). Meanwhile, History is showing those croc-catching characters on Swamp People from 4 p.m.-midnight, and Spike TV brings you a little taste of summer with three Jaws movies (9 a.m.-4:14 p.m.).

Which marathon(s) will you be enjoying with your cup o’ ‘nog this year?

*All times are EST.

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