The most memorable lines from ''Desperate Housewives,'' ''New Girl,'' ''Modern Family,'' and more

By EW Staff
Updated December 16, 2011 at 05:00 AM EST

Desperate Housewives

  • TV Show

”We’re not criminals. We drive car pools.”
—Susan (Teri Hatcher) on Desperate Housewives

”Now Donald say he wants to run for president and move on into the White House. Why not? It wouldn’t be the first time you pushed a black family outta they home.”
—Snoop Dogg, to Donald Trump, on Comedy Central’s Roast of Donald Trump

”I won cutest baby at the 1974 Jasper County Fair. People at the time said I could go Gerber.”
—Cameron (Eric Stonestreet) on Modern Family

”I talked in short sentences. I didn’t sing. I laughed, I smiled, I said I needed rebound sex, and it totally worked. He asked me out.”
—Jess (Zooey Deschanel) on New Girl

”Everyone steals. My favorite movie is Love Don’t Cost a Thing with Nick Cannon. Which is based on Can’t Buy Me Love, which is based on Kramer vs. Kramer or something, which I think was Shakespeare.”
—Tom (Aziz Ansari) on Parks and Recreation

Episode Recaps

Desperate Housewives

Eva Longoria Parker, Teri Hatcher, Marcia Cross, and Felicity Huffman star in the soap set on the dangerous Wisteria Lane

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