Chris Cooper Muppets
Credit: Scott Garfield
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  • ABC

While I was driving home yesterday after seeing The Muppets, joyfully singing along to “The Rainbow Connection” with my two young children, I noticed my eldest had gone silent right around the verse that goes, “Have you been half asleep and have you heard voices?” I peeked at him in the rear-view mirror and saw he was staring out the window with a furrowed brow. “What is it, buddy?” I asked.

“Why were the Muppets so mean to that job creator, Tex Richman?” my boy said. “He never did anything to them, except provide the gas that allowed them to drive to Paris underwater and find Miss Piggy.”

Ah, from the mouths of babes…

It’s true: In the movie, Chris Cooper plays Tex Richman, a caricature of an evil oil man who wants to drill for black gold under the decrepit Muppet Studios. I didn’t know what to say to my worldly son. I pulled over to the side of the road and pondered my next move. I turned off the CD, pressed eject, rolled down the window, and chucked it on the road. Filthy propaganda! The scales had finally fallen from my eyes. Never again, liberal Hollywood!

To be fair, I can’t credit my 6-year-old with my monumental conversion to the truth. He himself had picked up the Muppets’ commie vibe when he watched a segment on Follow the Money last week titled, “Are Liberals Trying to Brainwash Your Kids Against Capitalism?” “They’ve been doing it for decades,” Dan Gainor of the completely non-partisan Media Research Center told Fox Business host Eric Bolling. “Hollywood, the left, the media, they hate the oil industry. They hate corporate America. And so you’ll see all these movies attacking it, whether it was Cars 2, which was another kids’ movie, the George Clooney movie Syriana, There Will Be Blood, all these movies attacking the oil industry. None of them reminding people what oil means for most people, which is fuel to light a hospital, or heat your home, or maybe fuel an ambulance to get you to the hospital if you need that. And they don’t want to tell that story.”

Gainor made some brilliant points here. Why won’t Hollywood make that movie about the gassed-up ambulance that takes you to the hospital? Clearly, it’s all politics. In fact, little-known detail: Charlton Heston tried to get that exact movie made back in 1976, and he was blacklisted by the Commie Cabal that runs all of the billion-dollar corporations that rule the movie business.

Bolling couldn’t believe the Hollywood conspiracy to indoctrinate our country’s children. “We’re teaching our kids class warfare,” he cried. “Where are we: communist China?”

Don’t laugh, citizens. Films like Happy Feet, It’s a Wonderful Life, and Bambi are a Trojan horse of anti-American propaganda most 6-year-olds are not sophisticated enough to decipher. Today, they’re singing “Life’s a Happy Song.” Tomorrow, they’re getting pepper-sprayed by a patriot. And if you think I’m being alarmist, look back to 1979. The movie was… The Muppet Movie. In it, a successful self-made businessman (Charles Durning) simply wanted Kermit to promote his company. He was willing to pay handsomely. Kermit, who’s always been a puppet, stubbornly said no. Kermit hated capitalism. He was looking for “rainbows.” The movie, unfortunately, was a hit. And the frog legs industrial complex never recovered. Do you really want the oil industry to be the next Doc Hoppers?

Will someone please think of the children?

Please watch the clip below before you take your kids to The Muppets. Don’t make the same mistake I did. Don’t hand your children over to the reds.

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The Muppets

ABC revival – 2015 series
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