No surprises here: In a list of the “50 Worst Music Videos Ever,” U.K. music mag NME gives Rebecca Black and her viral assault on music otherwise known as “Friday” the dubious top honor.
Though the list had its share of Brit-tastrophes, there is no shortage of American cheese. Some inclusions make absolute sense (Paris Hilton and Steel Panther, anyone?), though other artists who made the cut (Lady Gaga, Britney Spears) might cause more than a few internet mutinies.
Keep reading to see Black’s video and judge for yourself, then see which other guilty-pleasure highlights made the list:
If you made it through those 227 seconds, congratulations! You are stronger than I was, and I am confident you will have the moral fortitude to brave the whole list (with video embeds, natch). For those with weak stomachs, we’ve cherry-picked 20 of the most outstanding videos (that’s not necessarily a compliment) and organized them by theme.
File under: “I beg to differ”
Wham!, “Wake Me Up Before You Go Go”
Survivor, “Eye of the Tiger”
Rednex, “Cotton Eye Joe”
These songs do not belong on the list for no other reason than the sheer joy they inspire. Sure, “Cotton Eye Joe” maxed out as a novelty song, and the video looks like Rob Zombie’s albino cousins went to a hoedown, but you have to give credit for the sheer literalness of it. And Wham!? Really? That was some iconic style right there. Short-shorts, message tees, and neon sweatshirts — before they were ironic. And that’s without mentioning the amazing “laughing in the face of gravity” chutzpah of George Michael’s feathered ‘do. As for Survivor, Winston from New Girl would surely not approve. It’s the song that ended the Cold War!
So bad it’s good again (a.k.a. The ’80s)
Vanilla Ice, “Ice Ice Baby”
Milli Vanilli, “Girl You Know It’s True”
Huey Lewis And The News, “Hip To Be Square”
David Bowie & Mick Jagger, “Dancing In The Street”
Ummmm, let’s see… a blatant Queen rip-off, one of the biggest Grammy scandals of all time, an American Psycho reference point, and the Velvet Goldmine sequel of Todd Haynes’ nightmares? Come on! From the fashion to the dancing, these videos may be everything that some people would like to forget about The Decade of Excess, but I would argue they are exactly what needs to go in a time capsule for future generations and otherworldly figures.
No love for the divas
Cher “If I Could Turn Back Time”
Britney Spears, “Gimme More”
Lady Gaga, “Judas”
Admitted, none of these are the ladies’ finest work. Brit was in the midst of a hair-raisingly rocky time in her life, and Lady Gaga should probably stay away from religious imagery for the foreseeable future. And perhaps Cher’s tush-tattoo-flashing gaffer-tape-and-fishnet number didn’t launch a thousand ships, but it is no less iconic, and does not belong with the ranks of Paris Hilton and Miley Cyrus (see below). Also, this.
It’s a European thing, you wouldn’t understand
Axel F, “Crazy Frog”
All Saints, “Chick Fit”
At least I don’t. A scatting frog? A drum-and-krump-off featuring one of the soccer players from Bend It Like Beckham? An seaside video for an ode to men who are like… coffee? Some things simply do not need to be recorded for posterity.
Yeah, that belongs here
Paris Hilton, “Stars Are Blind”
Miley Cyrus, “Can’t Be Tamed”
Jenna Rose Feat. Baby Triggy, “My Jeans”
No explanation needed.
Steel Panther, “Fat Girl (Thar She Blows)”
Color Me Badd, “I Wanna Sex You Up”
Bloodhound Gang, “The Bad Touch”
Duck Sauce, “Big Bad Wolf”
If the lyrics are as bad as the video (and, yes, they are), then it’s clear why these songs are on the list. Try your hand at matching lyric to song below!
“Girl, you make me feel real good/ We can do it ’til we both wake up.” (Wait, you’re asleep?!)
“Sweat baby sweat baby sex is a Texas drought/ Me and you do the kind of stuff that only Prince would sing about.”
“She had boobs like watermelons and breath like rotten eggs.” (Similes FTW, y’all.)
“The big bad wolf! The big bad wolf!” (Yes, those are the only lyrics in the entirety of the song)
Does this list get your stamp of approval, music fans? What songs were you surprised to see on the list? Were there songs you expected to see that didn’t make it?