Snow White Queens

Now that we’ve seen trailers for both Mirror, Mirror (the rom-com take on a battle-ready Snow White starring Lily Collins, Julia Roberts, and Armie Hammer) and Snow White and the Huntsman (the darker, more action-filled version starring Kristen Stewart, Charlize Theron, and Chris Hemsworth), which film’s release are you more eagerly awaiting? Let’s put it to a vote. If you need help, we’ll break it down for you.

How evil is the Queen?

Mirror, Mirror: Roberts’ cash-strapped Queen’s palace is bathed in white and looks as though it was decorated by Joan Rivers or Mariah Carey — not all that intimidating, frankly. Yes, she has Snow White (Collins) banished to the forest, but the only bodily harm we see her personally inflicting involves having herself corsetted, the rich prince (Hammer) drugged (with a puppy love potion), and her sidekick (Nathan Lane) sprouting a few extra arms and turning into a cockroach.

Snow White and the Hunstman: Now Theron’s Queen’s palace feels like she got design tips from The Lord of the Rings’ Saruman — then added candles and milk baths. To keep her beauty, which is her power, this lady sucks the life out of fair maidens dementor-style. Her mirror tells her that Snow White (Stewart) is destined to surpass her in fairness, but if she CONSUMES HER HEART, she’ll live forever. She sends a huntsman (Hemsworth) into the forest to hunt her down. Also, she speaks slowly and in rhyme, which is naturally unsettling.

How badass is Snow White?

Mirror, Mirror: She goes from being Lily Tomlin in the 9 to 5 poison fantasy sequence to being Anne Hathaway in Ella Enchanted, capable of saving her prince and pausing during the action for pithy dialogue.

Snow White and the Hunstman: All we really learn about her in this first trailer is that she’s capable of fleeing. But since she does carry a sword and shield, we’ll assume she does eventually use them.

How studly is the leading man?

Mirror, Mirror: Wearing bunny ears and getting punched in the face by a Scarface-loving dwarf? Ouch. Points for the shirtless scene though.

Snow White and the Hunstman: He makes his axe look as mighty as Thor’s hammer. Very promising. No shirtless scene — yet. Here’s hoping he gets injured and needs to have a cut tended to on his torso.

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