By Lanford Beard
Updated November 01, 2011 at 10:30 PM EDT
Wilford Harewood/Bravo

As our own Adam B. Vary pointed out in advance of Kim Kardashian’s (ultimately doomed) televised wedding fete, there are some things that inevitably go unsaid when it comes to reality stars. As Real Housewives of Atlanta star Kim Zolciak showed off her engagement ring today, it got us thinking: What won’t we hear or see when it comes to Zolciak’s engagement party?

10. Harried event planner: “Kim is late. I repeat, Kim Zolciak is tardy to the party!”

9. A DJ set by Tracy Young with special emphasis on Notorious B.I.G. tracks — references to any Big Papas and/or Kim’s swim in the lady pond are strictly verboten.

8. Waiter: “I’m sorry, madam, this is a dry event.”

7. Phaedra Parks: “Everybody knows that husbands and wives whose names both start with ‘K’ last the longest.”

6. Kroy: “Honey, I really wish you’d worn a dress that showed a little more skin.”

5. Emcee: “And for an extra-exotic treat this evening, Kim and Kroy present a performance by monkeys with wigs on!’

4. Dwight Eubanks: “Can’t we all just get along?”

3. NeNe Leakes popping out of the cake.

2. Kandi Burruss: “Kim, I wish you’d return my calls about working together on your next single. I could really use the money.”

1. Kim: “Attention, everyone. Kroy and I have become overwhelmed by the media spotlight and are relocating to the country. Please respect our privacy.”

Zolciak and Atlanta Falcons’ defensive end Kroy Biermann — also the father of her five-month-old son Kroy — announced their engagement a few weeks ago, though the jury’s still out as to whether the bride-to-be will film her wedding for Housewives.

What do you think, PopWatchers? Are you excited to see how Zolciak’s engagement, new baby, and impending wedding play in the new season? Do you think so much happiness will bring out her softer side? Will you watch Sunday night’s premiere?

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