By Aly Semigran
Updated August 03, 2020 at 12:13 PM EDT

Seemingly always-surprised prophesier Harold Camping may have finally realized the old adage “If at first you don’t succeed…” doesn’t necessarily apply to him. After two fake-outs regarding the end of days (his first Rapture prediction was back in May and then rescheduled for October) Camping apologized once more to his followers in a Family Radio address on Oct. 28. posted a transcript of Camping’s apology (which is for the best, because in my head it sounded something like this) in which he stated, “Why didn’t Christ return on Oct. 21? It seems embarrassing for Family Radio. But God was in charge of everything. We came to that conclusion after quite careful study of the Bible. He allowed everything to happen the way it did without correction. He could have stopped everything if He had wanted to.”

Camping, who also pointed out in the address that he has been receiving “encouraging letters,” went on to admit, “Incidentally, I have been told that I said back in May that people who did not believe that May 21 should not be the rapture date, probably had not been saved. I should not have said that, and I apologize for that.” (What cruel fate, if Camping had been right, Kim Kardashian, whose birthday incidentally fell on Rapture 2: The Rapturing, would have left this Earth a married woman.)

Then again, maybe Camping hasn’t learned his lesson entirely and we all might get a third chance at Judgment Day, as he also stated that he is re-checking his notes (which, at this point should only read, “Note to self: Stop predicting Raptures!”) In which case, ole’ Campy, it’s probably best you just start using Shaggy’s air tight alibi. See you in another life, brother!

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