By Lynette Rice
Updated October 06, 2011 at 08:44 PM EDT

On today’s episode of The Talk, Sharon Osbourne addressed her recent — and somewhat mysterious — absence from the CBS talk show. (Unlike Leah Remini and Holly Robinson-Peete, it had nothing to do with her contract). It’s not that she and Ozzy ran off to some tropical port o’ call. She just needed to, um, get her girls in order!

“One morning I woke up and one of my boobies was kind of much longer than the other,” she told her fellow co-hosts today. “I’m looking, thinking, this isn’t right.”

Osbourne goes on to explain how she had her implants removed and how good it feels to not “have a waterbed laying on my chest anymore.” She then regales the audience with further information about how she had “a little bit of lady stuff done downstairs.” Gee, thanks for sharing, hon!

Here’s a clip from today’s show:

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