By Darren Franich
Updated September 20, 2011 at 02:47 PM EDT

Nicole Scherzinger continued her second-act transformation from bargain-pop-diva to reality-TV-Queen-in-waiting on last night’s episode of Conan. It all started because the X Factor judge was wearing a dress that was, shall we say, a bit skimp-tastic. “It’s like it’s painted on,” said Conan, “You look fantastic. You may suffocate.” Nicole agreed: “I feel like a sausage!” she said, and boy oh boy I bet that bread is happy, amiright? Anyhow, after a couple minutes of casual banter about The X Factor, Conan’s eyes undeniably trended downwards towards the chesticular region. “Focus, Conan,” Nicole commanded. “Awwwwooooga!” said Conan. We have footage of it all right here:

Just kidding! Here’s the actual footage — Conan peeks around the 2:00 mark.

This all segued into an extended chat about Simon Cowell’s moobs, and then concluded with Scherzinger’s Britney Spears impression, which was simultaneously really funny and a stealth-bomb implication that Scherzinger can actually sing. (Love it when she claims to have added in live auto-tune.) And so, the Judges’ Table Sub-plot of the season is moving away from the Simon-Paula Reunion into a reality-show restaging of All About Eve, with Paula as Bette Davis, Nicole as Eve Harrington, Simon as the stuffy British dude, and, I dunno, let’s say L.A. Reid as Thelma Ritter.

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