Congratulations to Leila Lopes from Angola, who was crowned Miss Universe 2011 in last night’s 60th anniversary competition in Sao Paulo, Brazil!

I had every intention of compiling 10 Adorable Andy Cohen Faces for this post (he hosted along with Today anchor Natalie Morales). But as soon as the bikini catwalk started, I knew that the standout moments of this major television event were, instead, the 10 Most Awkward Swimsuit Competition Utterances — made by the well-intentioned but ohhhhhhh so corny skybox commentators Jeannie Mai and Shandi Finnessey. Body shots for everyone and my official ranking here:

10. Miss China

“She looks tall? She is tall.”

9. Miss U.S.A., Alyssa Campanella

“She’s a stunning redhead, but in real life she’s a blonde.”

8. Miss Puerto Rico

“I was totally noticing her body has all the right curves.”

Yeah it does.”

7. Miss Colombia

“If she won the lottery, she would buy a very large farm and create a foundation to give homeless dogs a better life.”

6. Miss Brazil

“I don’t see any imperfections on that Brazilian bikini body.”

5. Panama

“Her lips? In fact, they are real. At 7, she asked a dentist if he could make them smaller.”

“What?! No, Panama. Keep them just the way they are.”

4. Miss Angola (the winner)

“Look at how the yellow just jumps off her skin tone.”

3. Miss Australia

“She holds a special interest in holistic health. In fact, health is the first section she reads in the newspaper. First of all, the fact that she’s even picking up a newspaper? Smart and beautiful.”

2. Miss Netherlands

“She wants to be a child psychologist. But right now, she’s a male psychologist.”

“I know a lot of men that would want to lay on her couch.”

(I SWEAR those two are not the same person.)

1. Miss Ukraine (the runner-up)

“You know what? It may be sarong, but it’s so right.”

I feel like giving Miss Portugal an honorable mention here, because while nothing that weird was said about her during the swimsuit segment, her listed “interests” were window shopping and reading. She will always be Miss Universe in my heart.

Anyone make it through the whole pageant? Did the right one win?

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