Dear sport,

Since we still can’t figure out how to change the channel on our television, your grandmother and I simply haven’t been able to stop watching that wonderful series America’s Got Talent since the last time we wrote to you. And boy, it’s been such an exciting summer here in our living room! Last night got off to an exciting start with The Connecticut Kid. I’m not sure what his talent was, but your grandmother appreciated the specific instructions of “Whoo Hoo’ since she rarely knows what to say to the television!

Then, that handsome magician Landon Swank tried to kill himself again — but this time, with the help of the judges. There were four boxes onstage, and four detonator buttons on the judges’ table. When the judges hit the buttons — Kaboom! Well now! If we had known there was a chance of the judges killing a contestant or vice versa, your grandmother and I may have tuned in to this program sooner. You know how we enjoy crime. Especially handsome crime! By the way, what is a “hologram”?

Your grandmother and I lost interest in the act called “Fatally Unique” after the performance by those two dozen Michael Jacksons transitioned into color. But aren’t we all fatally unique, in a way? You will learn. You too, sport, will distinguish yourself in this world, and you will die.

You know that I don’t care very much for coed gymnastics, but I felt just awful for the young man in the red leotard, who nearly died while tumbling through a flaming hoop. That horrible British fellow with the bad toupee — and believe me, I know all about bad toupees — said “I feel for you,” after he had heartlessly buzzed them home. Your grandmother wondered very sincerely out loud how that Piers Morgan manages to sleep at night. Probably better than I do! Methotrexate is a heck of a drug.

You know how your grandmother and I feel about the “wild card” option in reality series, so of course we frequent-forwarded through the children with the jump ropes. I fell asleep for awhile, but I woke up in time for the last act. The Silhouette Dancers created a whole little world onstage. I teared up a little bit and told your grandmother I had never seen anything so beautiful. She disagreed strongly.

Much love,

Your Grandparents

P.S. Will we see you on Labor Day?

Episode Recaps

America's Got Talent
  • TV Show
  • 14