By Adam B. Vary
Updated August 28, 2011 at 12:00 PM EDT
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Kevin Mazur/WireImage.com

Lady Gaga opened the MTV 2011 Video Music Awards as her male alter ego Jo Calderone, in a simple white t-shirt and over-sized dark blue pants — but not with a song. Instead, Jo indulged in an extended monologue/rant about his “girlfriend” Gaga. “She’s f—ing crazy!” said Gaga-as-Jo. “She comes out of the shower still drippin’, still got the heels on! At first it was sexy, but now I’m just confused.” So were many in the audience, including Britney Spears and Katy Perry, who took in StefaniGermanotta’s drag king performance with a mix of surprise and befuddlement.

“I think it’s really f—ing great that she’s still such a star,” Jo continued. “But how am I supposed to shine?… ‘Cause when she gets on the stage, there’s no holding back.” Jo even complained that when Gaga reaches sexual climax, she covers her face. “Like she can’t stand to have one honest moment where nobody’s watching! I want her to be real. She says, ‘I’m not real, I’m theater.'”

Calderone then took to the piano and belted out a robust performance of Gaga’s “You and I,” complete with hard stepping back-up dancers and Brian May from Queen on guitar. Because why not?

Watch the outré affair here:

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