By Kate Ward
Updated August 26, 2011 at 01:50 PM EDT
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Taking a page from creepy cute no, definitely creepy Jim Carrey, who professed his love for the much-younger Emma Stone in a video earlier this week, Kathy Griffin has decided to make public her illegal affection for 17-year-old Canadian treasure Justin Bieber. “Justin Bieber,” said the comedienne, “I want you to know that you are all the way beautiful. Even with those, like, lesbian bangs.”

Unfortunately, since Griffin is 29, 39, 49, 50 and has lines “under my ass even,” she cannot marry the teen sensation, in most states, that is. “If I could, I would marry you,” Griffin tells Bieber. “Oh, that’s actually not true. It’s messy, Justin. There’s a distribution of assets. We would just go steady.” (You sure it’s not worth it, Kathy?)

Click the jump to watch the rest of the video, which references a possible camping trip with Bieber and their hypothetical sex life. (“And the sex. Woo! It’s going to be weird!”) Will I be arrested for just writing that?

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