By Mandi Bierly
Updated August 23, 2011 at 07:28 PM EDT
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I was just talking to a friend who has yet to hear about Magic Mike, and it occurred to me that there might actually be people who aren’t counting the days until it hits theaters. I do not understand these people. It’s a movie based on Channing Tatum’s early days as a stripper, in which he’ll star as the titular mentor to a younger dancer played by I Am Four‘s Alex Pettyfer. The cast also includes Matthew McConaughey (who’ll play a former stripper who now owns the club, called Xquisite), White Collar‘s Matt Bomer (as another employee), and True Blood‘s Joe Manganiello (as a character named Big Dick Richie). How are you not excited about this? If it’s good, great. If it’s bad, it’s Showgirls, and I’m roadtesting a VIP DVD edition. What’s the male stripper equivalent of the ”Pin the Pasties on the Showgirl” game? I can’t wait to find out.

The film, directed by Steven Soderbergh, starts shooting next month, which, fingers crossed, means we still have time for more casting announcements. (And ladies don’t count!) If David Boreanaz happened to have some downtime while his Bones co-star Emily Deschanel is on maternity leave, I’d love to see him play a stripper who specializes in popping. My colleague Sandra Gonzalez would nominate Donnie Wahlberg, who’s roughly the same age as McConaughey and Boreanaz, so perhaps they could have a retired stripper poker game-turned-dance-off in a back room. Sandra’s also pulling for Jared Padalecki (“In my head, Jared is more into doing this pose than dancing though,” she says.) I would also suggest a Taylor Lautner cameo, as a kid expected to be the club’s new golden boy, but he can’t dance so they have to let him go. And if The Vampire Diaries didn’t shoot in Atlanta, Ian Somerhalder could be a bad boy stripper at the club competing with Magic Mike for Pettyfer’s character’s soul. Who would you like added to this already extraordinarily built cast?

Also, let’s talk about the scenes that MUST be in this movie. To keep it authentic, there has to be at least one woman shown getting a lap dance and making nervous small talk with her dancer. (“Where are you from?” “Michigan.” “And did you go to school there?” — actual conversation overheard at my sister’s bachelorette party in Vegas in 2001.) This could be part of a montage of Tatum’s character teaching Pettyfer’s how to read women and how far they’re comfortable with him going. Your turn.

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