Credit: Food Network; Travel Channel

I apologize in advance that this post will not feature a video of Deen and Bourdain wrestling to the death in a big-ass vat of butter. Nope, all that happened is that Anthony Bourdain called Paula Deen “the worst, most dangerous person in America … plus, her food sucks” in an interview for TV Guide. The No Reservations star also slammed Deen’s fellow Food Network chefs Rachael Ray (“Does she even cook anymore?”), Sandra Lee (“I hate her works on this planet, but she is not someone to be dismissed, clearly.”), and Guy Fieri (“I look at Guy and I just think, ‘Jesus, I’m glad that’s not me'”).

First of all, can we just revel for a second in “I hate her works on this planet?” Thank you. Seriously, who knows how many other galaxies Sandra Lee is ‘botting out on right now.

Deen has fired back with a viscous stream of cholesterol and words!

Her beef with Bourdain? He’s moody and not charitable enough. “My good friends Rachael, Guy and Sandra are the most generous charitable folks I know,” Deen told Page Six today. “They give so much of their time and money to help the food deprived, sick children and abandoned animals. I have no idea what Anthony has done to contribute besides being irritable.”

Deen went on to explain the way the world works: “”You know, not everybody can afford to pay $58 for prime rib or $650 for a bottle of wine,” she said. “My friends and I cook for regular families who worry about feeding their kids and paying the bills.”

Whatever, you guys. It’s not about who’s the better person. We’re talking apples vs. oranges here, or sour grapes vs. a $650 bottle of wine. Can you please just smear a cream cheese pound cake stuffed with steak au poivre all over each other’s faces and then casually make up? Or at least settle this feud on camera… in the Iron Chef America kitchen. I’ll judge. Now go.

Hell to the No!
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