Oh boy, the first episode of Two and A Half Men could be a doozy. After rumors swirled online that creator Chuck Lorre could kill off Charlie Sheen’s character to make way for Ashton Kutcher, Deadline is now reporting that a funeral is, indeed, in the works for the comedy’s ninth season premiere on Sept. 19. The not-so dearly departed? Sheen’s Charlie Harper, of course.

Apparently, the episode will reportedly open with a memorial service attended by many of Charlie’s girlfriends and that his beachfront property will subsequently go up for sale. Potential buyers will include real-life celebrities and stars from Lorre’s other shows, and that Kutcher’s character will also tour the property. We can pretty much put two-and-two together from here: Kutcher snatches it up, Alan and Jake beg to stay, and mayhem resumes!

Sadly, Warner Bros. TV — the studio that produces the hit comedy — and CBS are not commenting, though it certainly wouldn’t be out of the realm of possibility for Lorre to kill off Charlie. (In fact, the original rumor was that Sheen’s alter-ego would drive off a cliff). After all, a fatal car accident was used to explain the sudden departure of Valerie Harper in the comedy Valerie’s Family in 1987. Harper disagreed with the direction the producers wanted to take the comedy, so they killed her off in a car crash. She was replaced by Sandy Duncan.

Lucky for Lorre, plot spoilers — whether they are wrong or dead right — shouldn’t affect the comedy’s premiere, which will no doubt attract millions of old and new fans.

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Episode Recaps

Two and a Half Men | Monday, 8-8:30 p.m., CBS The warlock has left the building. With the spectacular, bridge-burning, jumping-down-?the-inflatable-?emergency-slide exit of Charlie Sheen from Two and a Half Men…

Two and a Half Men

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